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Sunday, January 22, 2012

Pre-Poem Feelings

What happens when you write a poem about having trouble writing?

Pre-Poem Feelings

Every time I write
I feel like I am going to suffocate
Because I don’t know if I can even recreate
The voice that has scribbled down the words I have said before
I’m just not sure
If these words
Will be the work of art I am striving to give birth to
I write so many poems
Yet there are so few
I ever read a second time
Because I can’t seem to find my message
The statement I’m desperate to make
I just keep making the same mistakes
Drowning old experience in polluted lakes
I wish that I could take my mind and brush it off in flakes
And rake
All the shattered pieces
And knit them into fleeces
Of poetry
Everyone wants to do that, or is that just me?
Because if I could paste just the perfect lines here I would finally feel free
From the voices in my head
That say you could have wrote something more beautiful instead
Because I feel like your newest work is something that I’ve already read
I don’t want my poems to sound mundane
But my life is drenched in monotony, it’s driving me insane
And I don’t even have anyone to blame
Except the girl who wears my name
And writes words I know I can write cleaner
Obscener
With more luminosity and velocity
More power and pride
More of these revolutions inside
The chambers of my heart
If only you could help me kick-start
Because write now all I do is ramble
And scramble
Some letters like this
And wish that
Someone will think they are worth hearing
Or sharing
Not tearing or comparing
Them to a poem I have read before
Because by the end of a stanza I feel naked on a cold marble floor
Praying no one will open the door
And let the cold air penetrate me
But I keep writing and fighting
Tightening and biting
Into new sheets
So if you don’t mind
Just take a new seat
And listen to these words in a different way
And maybe I pray
It will be worth listening to me another day.

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Ariel is available and interested in anything creative!
For spoken word performances & workshops, web & graphic design, or other writing/film projects please contact via email at arielsob@usc.edu.
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