Missing

I miss you

The way pluto misses being a planet

Because I don't know who I am anymore

I miss you

The way footprints miss the creature that carved them

Because I'm detached from everything I thought I was a part of

How an alcoholic misses her first drink

The way the newlywed misses the feeling she had in her wedding gown

Or the look the groom gave her while she adorned it

I miss you the way my entire math class misses nap-time

And I'm trying to replace you the way they took back those 45 minutes

When we "learnt" anti-derivatives

The way a broken athlete longs for practice

Or the chain-smoker craves the formation of scales in her mouth

Like the diabetic craves chocolate

Or the blinded has a thirst for the luminescence of a sunrise

How a deflated tire demands pavement

Or droplets of rain are homesick for the depths of the sky

And how statues miss the privilege to cry

And I'm abusing all these metaphors

Because I'm afraid of admitting that a meteor landed in my chest

It didn't exist before you

But once you left it propelled through space towards me

I'm not supposed to miss you

I'm supposed to be angry

And satisfied

Because I was the one who excised you from my life

I identified you as a tumor and evicted you from my skin

But I miss being allowed to fret about you

Predicting and dissecting everything you do

But now you've done nothing

I haven't given you the chance

I want to hate you but I can't

Because I froze you out

And we were a flame

Despite what Adele may bellow

There are few things as difficult 

As a fire freezing

It's left me in agony

Wheezing

I'm sneezing and coughing emotions I never realized I had

Before they were expelled from my mouth

I know I'm not pleasing anyone

Not even myself

Because if I was happy

I wouldn't be writing this much

Needing to wipe the dust off the keyboard

Leaving behind a hoard of commentaries

Up-heaving the sanctuaries

That keeping my thoughts in my own head 

Had formed

I was sworn

But not to secrecy

Just decency

But that's a label I can't engrave on myself anymore

Because I adore you

When I abhor you

And when I ignore you

Trying to assure you

That we are done

I feel like I am eclipsing a sun

Now I know that reference has been used a ton

By Twilight fanatics

And scientific pragmatics

And the cliches are statics

With no electricity

And that is against my responsibility

To write poetry

And bring new energy

To this tattered existence

And regardless of this resistance

Led by my pride

I understand deep inside

That I can't hide

From my desire

To acquire

You back within my life.