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Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Missing


I miss you
The way pluto misses being a planet
Because I don't know who I am anymore
I miss you
The way footprints miss the creature that carved them
Because I'm detached from everything I thought I was a part of
How an alcoholic misses her first drink
The way the newlywed misses the feeling she had in her wedding gown
Or the look the groom gave her while she adorned it
I miss you the way my entire math class misses nap-time
And I'm trying to replace you the way they took back those 45 minutes
When we "learnt" anti-derivatives
The way a broken athlete longs for practice
Or the chain-smoker craves the formation of scales in her mouth
Like the diabetic craves chocolate
Or the blinded has a thirst for the luminescence of a sunrise
How a deflated tire demands pavement
Or droplets of rain are homesick for the depths of the sky
And how statues miss the privilege to cry
And I'm abusing all these metaphors
Because I'm afraid of admitting that a meteor landed in my chest
It didn't exist before you
But once you left it propelled through space towards me
I'm not supposed to miss you
I'm supposed to be angry
And satisfied
Because I was the one who excised you from my life
I identified you as a tumor and evicted you from my skin
But I miss being allowed to fret about you
Predicting and dissecting everything you do
But now you've done nothing
I haven't given you the chance
I want to hate you but I can't
Because I froze you out
And we were a flame
Despite what Adele may bellow
There are few things as difficult 
As a fire freezing
It's left me in agony
Wheezing
I'm sneezing and coughing emotions I never realized I had
Before they were expelled from my mouth
I know I'm not pleasing anyone
Not even myself
Because if I was happy
I wouldn't be writing this much
Needing to wipe the dust off the keyboard
Leaving behind a hoard of commentaries
Up-heaving the sanctuaries
That keeping my thoughts in my own head 
Had formed
I was sworn
But not to secrecy
Just decency
But that's a label I can't engrave on myself anymore
Because I adore you
When I abhor you
And when I ignore you
Trying to assure you
That we are done
I feel like I am eclipsing a sun
Now I know that reference has been used a ton
By Twilight fanatics
And scientific pragmatics
And the cliches are statics
With no electricity
And that is against my responsibility
To write poetry
And bring new energy
To this tattered existence
And regardless of this resistance
Led by my pride
I understand deep inside
That I can't hide
From my desire
To acquire
You back within my life.

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Ariel is available and interested in anything creative!
For spoken word performances & workshops, web & graphic design, or other writing/film projects please contact via email at arielsob@usc.edu.
New York & Los Angeles work preferred!