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Monday, September 30, 2013

Mellow-drama

So people want to know where I'll go with my writing
And I've been fighting the instinct to select something distinct
I dance around romance, comedy, horror and drama
But there's whispers lingering in my ears
A voice that I can't refuse to hear
Because it's become clear that I'm meant to write melodrama
Not venture to adventure
Because I live to fashion over the top passion
Wounded hearts spilling all over the floor
Revolutions slamming down fragile doors
Tales of jails and confined whores
I like to start love rhyming long before the timing
Chiming in all sorts of seductive sin
Shackle in a cackle before a chuckle or a grin
Because the world is much more inviting in italics
Destruction more interesting in a forbidden palace
Hate more great when drenched in malice
I want to be in wonderland even though I'm not Alice
I refuse to be confined in realistic lines of drama
I want to write the oversold untold story of Schwarzenegger's baby mama
Wars between Bush and Obama
Find calls for sex inscribed in texts
Because overreacting is my reflex
My ex shouldn't be chillin'
But a villain sawing through my chest
There should be schisms in prisms and visions
Of light in the night
No sight
Because the lies are so bright
And to me every fight should be a massacre
And emotions a ticking bomb you cannot defer
Because I prefer to live out loud
Be proud of writing in a red pen
Not afraid of what will stem 
From being too forward 
And intense
I like it better when things are tense
Shoving the world over the fence
And onto the defense
I am the challenger
Who told Mother earth I'd challenge her
To say what she means
And do it right away
Because the only kind of play I'm interested in
Is with words
This existence is a celebration 
There's no time for hesitation
Or abbreviation of feeling
Because being mellow with out drama
Is just reeling it in
Stealing the chance
To dance with danger
Be more than a stranger
I feel blessed with every mess
Because creativity grows with mold
Change is what unfolds
In broken dishes and hearts
Evolution is what starts
When you're not afraid to let things die
Clarity only arrives when you're brave enough to cry
For vulnerability is possibility
Chasing what's lost builds agility
and the ability to keep it in the first place
So I'm not going to write 
But ignite
Beasts of beauties 
At first sight
Because life a task that moves fast
And art should have the same pace.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Unnecessary Untrue Angry Bitchy Rant

I'm not a fish

So don't you feed me a line
Say you don't want a relationship
And expect that to be just fine
I might be blonde
But I'm sure as hell not blind
What did expect to find
A bitch to kiss
With nothing in her mind
I refuse to be ordinary
A testing canary
Giving you everything
While you go stealing feelings
Saying the fruits are unnecessary
But here you go take some peelings
Have you met me?

Thinking that ignoring me would translate as adoring me
Take a peek as I'm losing sleep
But prick, I'm snoring
Are you fucking blind?
I'm the girl who puts her body on stage to show off her mind
So think that some cliche would get you to stay
Looking all upset as I hand back your jacket
When you let me go
Don't you know
I'm the heart heater
Palm reader
De-seater
Zone
That will stone and dethrone you
The one whose shown you 
I stand
But not for shit
Because you're like a zit
There's many more of you

So I hope you're wondering
What is she going to do
Because its certainly not you
I'm not going to fuck or fight you
See or sight you
Because I'm too colorful to be blue
And now that we're through
I'll be the girl everyone wants to know
And you only knew
And I'm not going to brew some attention
Because its already arrived with your pretention
Because what college freshman carries business cards in his pocket
Thinking they can get a girl like me in their locket
You can't afford her so you you're going to have to shoplift

And if you have the rift if what I'm saying
You'd realize I'm just playing
Because hating you
Only proves how much I cared
About what you teared and tore
Declared and swore
Because I still need to say all of this and more
Dropping my jacket back at your door.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Why I Hate You

I don’t hate you because
You’re smart
Or pretty
That you make me look short and shitty
That your hair is perfect
And it looks like you aren’t trying
Even when you are

I don’t hate you because
You’re bold and daring
Tearing down everyone’s personal walls
Pushing them into falls
Without parachutes
That you have so many branches
And never have to show anyone your roots

Or how you strike up conversations in bathroom stalls
Hike up society
Infiltrate us with your variety
Of words
How everyone follows you in herds
That you don’t drink
But yet are the loosest person at the party
The lightweight
Yet everything you state
Is hearty

I don’t hate you because
Every sound you breathe
Untangles weeds
Feeds us with a rush of lust
To be just as fabulous
As you

I don’t hate you
I hate the way you make me feel

You steal
The perception of satisfied imperfection
That used to dwell within me
It flees with this infection
Of how beautifully flawed you are
What’s the point of being a constellation
When the only cosmo is a single star?

You make me feel small
Pin my ability to speak against a wall
Because I was in a drought of self-doubt
Before you let these demons out
Released their dripping warriors
Tripping through my skin
Whispering that the person within
Isn’t big enough for the battle
Because the girl who used to exist
Before you rattled her
Used to be you

The one who had no resistance to do
And I hate you
Because there’s no debate you
Stole not a what but who

Because you’re better at being me than me
I might be a spirit
But you’re the only one who’s truly free
And honestly
I never used to repeat “I suck” so frequently
Before you shuck me out of my niche
I’m looking for hopes in horoscopes
When I was the shmuck who didn’t need luck
Who stuck to convictions
Not some feather drifting through the wind
Looking for predictions
The unknown didn’t scare me
But it didn’t prepare me
To meet someone who could tear me
Into half the girl I used to be
Because when you have gourmet coffee
Why the hell would you want tea
As long as you’re here
Why the hell would he want me?

Because I can’t be the big shot
What happens to the potato when it gets too hot
After it’s dropped
Topped
Which doesn’t make sense because I’ve never felt so naked
I can’t take it
Because I say I’m the happiest I’ve been in my life
But I’m not sure if I’m the same person anymore

If these memories are mine
I can’t see a sign
That knows
My familiar roads
Just loads of confusion
Because lately I’m combining words irately
Like "beautiful delusions"
When I don’t even know what that means
Sewing with unnecessary thread just because it looks good to have seams
Using literary devices
To advert from creative crisis
Because those prepoem feelings have returned
I’m making new art
But in my heart I’m concerned
That it’s not adequate
That my best writing is already written
That I’ve already become the sum of all I am
That past work
Is all on which I can stand
And I try to reprimand this
Hiss of desperation
Saying I’m good at creation
I just need more deliberation
To feel the sensation of words trickling down my tongue
But then I look at you
And I feel so young
Like a lost child
Simple and mild
When I used to be potent and wild
Styled by pulsing veins
Stimulated by the earth and rain
Because a different girl has stolen my name
Driving herself insane
With the threat of shame
Trying to be the same
As everyone around
Hoping if she hides herself well enough
She’ll be found
But I’m not wound this way
I’m the girl who isn’t afraid to say
Her secrets in rhyme
Who’s furies aren’t insecurities
But time
Because every moment is so damn significant
Who looks at each day
As her moment to create something magnificent
Because I sent myself to Los Angeles
To make it big
Figure out how to shout more eloquently
Not shrink into my own skin
Thinking that if I was tall or nice or thin
I’d possess the success for happiness
And I confess that the more people say I’m put together
The more I feel like a fucking mess
Each detail in the way I dress
Is a distraction from another flaw
An attempt to draw some attention
Towards some convention
And prevention from being the girl you see
Not saw
 And I know this poem is unorganized and raw
And I want it to be that way
To let the lines be the same as what they say
Because I am damaged
I’m not ok
Because ok is boring
Sanity leaves me snoring
And I meant to be soaring
Roaring
And not a decibel less
But in front of you I’m microscopic
Some question on a science test
I don’t dislike you because you’re cool or blessed
I hate you because of what you do
Because make me

Hate me.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Silent Conversations

The right words fall on me as soon as the conversation has ended
Whenever I’m with you
I think it’s because
Whenever we talk
You’re conversing with 3 people

HIM
            I really like her.
MY HEART
            I really like you.
HIM
            We kissed.
MY HEAD
            Why aren’t you kissing me?
HIM
            I think I’m going to try and be casual.
ME
            She doesn’t seem too serious about anything.
MY HEAD
            You should be with someone serious.
MY HEART
            You should be with me.

I think I can never tell you how I feel
Because I don’t know how to scream over so many voices
But I like the way you smile a lot
Especially the one you make when you’re having these private moments
I like how sometimes I can get you to share them with me
I like how you look good with both your glasses on and off
How somehow listening to you talk about someone else
Makes me fall harder
I like that neither of us make sense
But we make something
Even if it’s just silence.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Mom, I'm a Rapper

Last night I told my mom that I'm going to be a rapper
Because my tongue and wit are a hell lot faster
Than lil Wayne's complains about not enough hoes and too many bastards
And all that serious shit that's on Sirius XM that stemmed from the crapper
Because I can take the box out of b-box
Find inspiration from Ted talks
Lines in long walks down the pages of my diary
And Jimmy Ivoine would hire me
Because I'd actually look good in those low cut jeans
I'd build a quilt with seams and dreams rather than swag and do rags
I'd call the fearless stags instead of fags
And have bags under my eyes from spending my nights editing out lies
Turning on lights in the rooms where I'm most vulnerable
And I'd put you under a spell with the fact I could spell
Words tasty and swell
And my rap name would practically be the same
Ariel So Belle
Or
Snow White
Because I've been awaken by the kiss of life
And my bar fights
Will be with ripping tights
Before my first sip
And from my lips will drip
Wisdom
Like how come
There's a statute of limitations for rape
We offer asylum but for thousands of refugees there's no escape
And we try to fix broken nations with tape
We shape our asses but not children
And when it comes to change we ask how instead of when
I'd spit a fit that would rearrange the strange and strangers
Put a new range on danger
I'd out rhyme Eminem and Lil Wayne
Throw a stake through Drake
And make Dre need a Doctor
Nicki Minaj would show her ass and I'd top her with some class
And explain to 2 Chainz that some dope shit runs through my veins
and he'd hand me the reins
as I got more out of Macklemore
and showed Ludacris the door
Because I won't bring you to your knees
But leave you on the floor
Shattered and sore
For my tongue has spun things as crazy as Amanda Bynes
And my heart has beat faster than the quickest Vines
And my rhymes are hotter than Ryan Gosling watching Titanic
We might not be at the disco but you better panic
Because I am the manic
depressant
fluorescent
luminescent
adolescent
and life may be evanescent and but I'll stay effervescent
Knock me down I'm convalescent
In the dark I'm incandescent
And I refuse to be quiescent
I am the next great rapper
You can't tap her
But tap into her
I'm pretty sure
That my mom would try to detour me from this path
Get me to study art or math
But hip hop needs and feeds me

And there's no way I'm going back.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Birthing Poetry

You have to live life to write life
But I've been too busy living to be writing
Feeling emotions instead of creating them
Igniting the party instead of celebrating them
I'm wearing the dress instead of addressing the hem
and I'm not sure what will stem from these unkept seams
Because my reality has been sleeping with my dreams
Searching for myself instead of finding it
I'm falling 
Free falling 
Free
And my only parachute is me
But versions of myself managed to flee
The one who wrote with her heart
Instead of wore it on her sleeve
And I can't breathe
Only inhale
Because sharing everything is getting stale
Taking in the takeover
Because who the fuck wants to sleep during a sleep over
Or hang during a hang over
I just want to be the poetry
Not write it
And aspirations tell me to fight it
This urge to be the art
Not create it
Desire is potent because you can never sate it
I shift
I drift
Catch a whiff 
Of inspiration
Dabble in deliberation
And sit
Here
Beside my fear
That the words echoing off my finger tips
Won't be as good as the one that dripped off my lips
Last night
Because when I stand under the spotlight
Mine is dying
Frying under the pressure
To impress her
The me that hates herself 
That knows no satisfaction
Fame or wealth
That puts poems on the shelf
Never to be published
Because they aren't damn good enough
That stuffs my sentiments
Like sediments
Clogging my veins
Compressing my brains
Ripping the reins
Putting a hole in self control
Saying that even though it doesn't reach the ceiling
The mic is still a pole
And stripping is just ripping your self respect
You know you don't need to be so direct
Let everyone expect your most private thoughts
Give them a chance to take the most brutal shots
You can't complain someone got under your skin
When you're the one who let them in
So is it such a sin to resist the wish to do more than exist
And just be
Take it in and see
Instead of birthing poetry?

Monday, September 2, 2013

Beautiful Delusions

I like you because you don’t make sense
You put me on the defense
Because you can’t attack if the other army is on the fence
Lingering through your mind
I think I wanted to find
Something I couldn’t discover
I love that I can’t uncover
Thin spots of skin
That can take me under
Yet you are anesthesia
You make me numb
I don’t how to act
React
Not become dumb
Because you strum me like a guitar
Yet don’t play me
You invigorate me
Restate me
Into a state of confusion
Beautiful delusions
You ask me questions I’m afraid to answer
And it doesn’t feel like intrusion
It feels right
You’ve got this light
That has redesigned my sight
Because I’m surrounded in smoke
Dumbfounded by things your heart wrote
And I thought I was trying to reach the castle
But I’m more fascinated by the moat
I want to go fishing for your demons
Begin runs for treasure
Because you’re the kind of guy that stimulates
Together and forever
I don’t have balls but I’m tethered
To you
To the things I don’t know if you’ll do
Because mystery is hot
And you’ve shot me with adrenaline
Inquiry
This feeling that you distantly admire me
That fires me
With all these passions all too early
You twirl me like a baton
And I’m terrified of being dropped
Or topped by another spectacle
Because regardless of how thick we make them
Nothing shatters quite as quickly as a shell
And this spell
You’ve cast on me
Is doing swell
Because damn it lasts on me
And normally feeling this way inhibits my ability to breathe
But this just breeds the inhalation
Because each particle of oxygen I take in feels like celebration
Of your soft spoken deliberation
Your love of creation
And no need for stimulation
Because I watch the way you watch things
And it makes me feel alive
For the first time
And I’m looking for a sign of no signs
Time in a land without it
Because my circulation has been having a fit
Ever since the guy who I thought couldn’t stand me
Hasn’t stood me up
But helped me stand up
You’re the water pouring out of the overfilled cup
I don’t know where you’ll flow
And I love that I can’t understand you
Because I can’t predict where we’ll go.

Contact

Ariel is available and interested in anything creative!
For spoken word performances & workshops, web & graphic design, or other writing/film projects please contact via email at arielsob@usc.edu.
New York & Los Angeles work preferred!