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Monday, July 7, 2014

UNtitLED

As soon as we departed from camp
Seven year old Sienna
Started a fight about  how it wasn’t right
That she didn’t get to sit with Brooke
I tried to split the conflict by the book
Why don’t you just sit with me instead?
She shoulda shook her head 
But instead she whipped her lanyard tips at my tits
And felt all too happy to belt
I don’t want to sit with THOSE!

I’ve reached a point
Where third graders feel the need to comment on my breasts
It wasn’t something I thought I had to address
But yes
I have two round sacks attached to my chest
And I used to think I was blessed
But damn Green Eggs & Ham 
Have been served up like breakfast
Thelma & Louise have been attacked
Desperately trying to survive a constant car crash
Cause if you look like me 
You need to watch your front
Not your back

 I don’t need to mention my melons attract attention
Like from the teen on Halloween who copped a feel
Shouting Those can’t be real!
What, are they sparkling and teal?
Do they walk and talk and demand
For you to test them out with your sweaty hand

And damn it’s kinda insane that I would complain
Because I admit I put Barnes & Noble here through the most shit
I can't explain why I leave them hanging 
Down to my knees
Stuff them in dresses that won't let them breathe
And heave my leftover snacks inside their cracks
But give me some slack
It's outta whack that
I’ve always done well in school
But kind of fool ends up with a set of double Ds?
God must of been drunk when he created these
He poured an extra helping even though I never said please
I don't have the capacity 
To actively care for these massively large commodities
I can't do geometry and biology at the same time
I was meant to rhyme not run when some slimy bum
Follows me shouting we got chemistry
Because my crop top can't cover enough of my chest to let him know 
I'm not asking for sex
I JUST HAVE ENORMOUS BREASTS

And NO I don't want some fries with that shake
Or another $40 bra to break
It was my mistake 
I shouldn't have just rested them on the table
Because my straps weren't able to elevate Britney & Lindsay to a stable state
And yes
I did wear that low cut dress to mess with you in class
Because you were a dick and I predict that a glance at these tits
Will leave you kissing my ass
And I don't mean to be crass
 But here's a quick tip
You can't just grip one and forget about the other
Like you're milking a cow with a uni-utter

It occurred to me that I utterly
Would like to be 
In the same age and stage as Sienna
When I was flat and Hannah told me that
My boobs would progress if I pressed my chest more regularly
I'd go back and use my right hand more sparingly
Because these standards of beauty are tearing me apart
Who decided to take the sexy out of smart
Thought if I took my sweater puppies for a walk
That would make me hot
And forgot they're just guard dogs for my heart

When I was seven I believed the only thing separating me from beauty 
Was a pair of Double Ds
But now I need a skinnier waist
Less acne on my face
And to embrace every look but my own
Be pretty or alone
But honestly I don't give a crap about your thigh gap
And I'm not going to let 7 year olds on a school bus or tumblr decide
Whether I'm accepted or denied

That's fine, I replied
Because I get to sit within the bra and skin I'm in
And that's the best fucking seat on this entire ride.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

I Need An Exorcism

They tell me to go to a shrink
But I really need an exorcism
There are demons inside me
Emerging as I reduce bracelets to beads
Shrieks to bellows
Diving octaves below my level chirp
They steal my legs
Reduce them to quaking twigs
Replace my blood with steam
I press repress
Keep my pupils focused on empty space
But I find my eyes searching for throwable objects
Aimed at the devils who called them from slumber
They reappear on the days when I'm in bed at 4pm
Hoping to awake as someone--something different
To dream away the nightmares
When a fetal position intensifies my core's emptiness
Because closer to my mother is the last place I want to be
I am not a child
I am a mistake
The result of the wrong bodily fluids crashing against each other
I wasn't unplanned but I am an accident
A car crash
Worldly remedies can't subdue the supernatural creatures
I take walks trying to run from myself
Mediate to silence the unfamiliar voices shouting in my mind
But the Atlantic always washes the rage to shore
Surfacing the un-cageable beast beneath my skin
I've tried to replace the anger with agony
Find a more socially acceptable frustration to express
Transform manic to panic attacks
But my desperation is anything but quiet
I used to wonder
Why the abused refused help
But now I understand
It convinces you that you're alone
And if someone bothered to break your isolation
You're not even worth saving
Your hair is too short for the prince to scale the tower
Your face too blemished for an awakening kiss
But I am no princess
I am possessed not a possession
So I DIYed my salvation
Bound pens together in a holy t
I expelled those demons
And left them on this page.

Friday, June 13, 2014

Donations



I gave away my lungs 
So I could know what it feels like to have breath taken
I removed my heart so I could
Let the beats skip
Playing hopscotch within my chest
Rushing rocks throughout my atria
Painting my veins with chalk
When you asked
I loaned you my bones
Because then my knees would always be weak
I let them take my tongue
To leave me speechless
I've been told romance kills slowly
The quietest of murders
But for a donor like me
It’s rather quick
I evaporated into nothingness
A sack of skin and empty organs
I did not fall and break
I stood by and let you take everything

Until there was no love left for myself.


Saturday, May 17, 2014

I Can't Write You A Poem

So I was going to write you a poem 
But then I realized it was no use
Because words are too weak a medium
To express how blessed I am to have you in my life
I was going to put down some rhymes
But it didn't feel right
Because you see through my rhetoric
Can guess through my facade
Differentiate my wild crabgrass feelings from a preordered sod
You don't know the poet
You know me
You can detect when I'm trying to reflect or flee
And start reeling in my feelings before I can tell they exist
And my reception to people with your level of perception
Is usually fear
But with you I feel the safest
Because you manage to tape my shattered shape back together
And show me that even if we can't grab some shards that doesn't mean it weathered
And I'm tethered to you
Orbiting around you like a planet dancing beside the sun
Which is perfectly appropriate because you are radiant
Thoughtful in every gradient
Creative at every angle
You know how to communicate 
When all I can do is strangle
The situation with words
Drown it in punctuation and alliteration
I'm just trying to survive
And you want to save our generation
Reform the norm with a storm of understanding
And whenever we're together I start handing over the best pieces of myself
Because spending time with you is how I gain wealth
For you are my safe
The thing that saves me
Razor that shaves me
Tears off my anxieties
I love you 
Because you make me love myself
I don't have to be afraid
That I won't be good enough under society's blade
You are the cascade of aid that cannot fade
The crayon that strayed outside the lines
The only holy crusade
And what you mean to me can't be weighed in mere words
Because our moments together can't be degraded into speech
I refuse to bleach our relationship 
White out the shout of love underneath
For how much I cherish a person like you cannot be conveyed
So I'm sorry but your poem
Is going to be delayed.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

The Worst Part



The tragedy 
wasn't that 
you couldn't love 
the worst parts 
of me
but that
the worst parts 
of me
tried to love
the best parts 
of you.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

My Feet Need Hands



Dear feet:
You do not exist solely to throw yourselves into my mouth
One of these days you're going to kick my teeth in
You belong on the earth
Keeping me grounded
On the road
Helping me move on fast
But instead you keep tripping
Making me fall for guys who only exist in memories
Are you the one who's kicking me in the ass?
Because I can't sit or settle
Skate or peddle steady

Dear feet:
Can you stomp on my head already
Crush my skull so I'm less hardheaded?
Did you rent a room in my heart
Because every time I think about the future my atria skips a beat
Is present the only thing for which you stand?

Dear feet:
You claim you want a run or pedicure
But all you need is a hand.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

The Drowning

You hugged Her
                          And Her
              And Her
But when it was my turn
You took another swig of your beer
And walked  a   w   a  y
Trying to    d
                     r
                      o
                        w
                           n the boy
Who held my hand for no reason
Played me original songs on an abandoned piano
Showed up at last minute for my poetry slams
And left a smile waiting for me in acrowdedroom
I just wonder
Did He fight?
            float
Try to          in the polluted waters
Flail his arms through the endless waves
Or was it all too easy to slaughter
The boy who had the capacity to hug me?

. . .

. . .

Contact

Ariel is available and interested in anything creative!
For spoken word performances & workshops, web & graphic design, or other writing/film projects please contact via email at arielsob@usc.edu.
New York & Los Angeles work preferred!