Splenda Smile

When he kissed me
I remembered hands
but felt nothing
I was in my head
With you

Drifting through memory
I was a pillow in his fingers
a person in yours

We talked a little
Assembled facts
to justify what we were doing
But conversation evaporated
Like youth from faces
language wasn't why we were there

But that night
You held me in your words
Peeled off my skin for you
Rustled your hair to permeate it
Feel the flesh that shielded your thoughts
Not because I thought you'd like it
You rearranged my locks
Cared that every one was in place
Threading wisps like god connecting the stars
You didn't ask why I was pushing it back
with a splenda smile

He said
Let's dance
I asked you
Why haven't you kissed me yet

I think I did it to prove I wasn't in love with you
To myself but mostly to you
Because I've realized you're afraid of being loved

I open my rib cage like cupboards
Let the world reach in


I succeed
Pull away from a kiss
Whisper it was nice meeting you
I drift into crowd watching him search for me
Asking for someone he calls my girl
After I decided I wasn't
I want to be proud
I've worn power and control
Then remembered to hang them back up in my closet
Didn't leave another mess
But apparently I'd rather be alone
emotion boiling and burning my veins
Than wanted by someone who can't even start a pulse.