I'm Trying to Write a Poem

I’m trying to write a poem
I’m trying to write a poem

That will change the world

That will immerse my readers in eloquent swirls

Of ideas and fears

Fire and tears

Of politics and drama

Buddha and the Dali llama

But yet the only that is gracing these pages

Has no poise at all

It’s a cliche waterfall

Of stories that have been told before

By past and better poets

Ones that can use syllables to drill you within the floor

You know, ‘em wordsmiths

The yielders of rhyme and alliteration

The ones who wield a celebration

Of deliberation

And creation

But I’m just another member of my generation

Trying to find my voice

Trying to find my choice

That will open all those doors for me

Can’t you see?

Here I go again

Last time I checked doors do not illustrate originality

And here I am breaking all the rules

Some obnoxious pseudo-intellectual arteest

Is probably noting my inability to define myself with strong craft

Well I’m sorry but every poem I write

Is the original draft

Because I can’t revise these feelings steaming through my hands

So yeah, editing this has never been a part of my plans

And that’s why I can only win a bunch of local meaningless poetry competitions

I hold no truly esteemed titles

Bestowed on me by literary idols

But I keep on pretending that I’m massively gifted

But over time these arrogant opinions have drifted

Across the corners of my mind

And I happened to find that I’m just average

Mundane

And borderline insane

And if I keep going like this

Screaming out lines and raising my fist

Repeating old tragedies

That have worn their welcome

Drenching myself in self pity

I’ll never move to the great big city

Or achieve any other thing symbolic of achievement

I’ll just be that girl who used to write

But had too much fight

And lost her light along the way

These are the doubts I’m afraid to say

The ones that pulse through me

Cause my vision of fame and glory to fray

Because to me poetry is not play

It’s supposed to be my calling

People are supposed to have callings

Purpose and such

And if I’m not the best poet

I’m not very much

And I’m tired of losing to people that I’m supposed to be better than

The ones to whom words are just something to engrave on a college application

When I write because one day I think I can be a sensation

I can change the way we listen and hear

I can take the wheel

And boldly steer my world in a new direction

But now I look into my reflection and see the ordinary

I feel lack luster

Like I’ve lost the little extra in the extraordinary

And now I’m running out of rhymes

Just like I’m running out of time

To say what I need to say

Or at least find out what I want to explain

Because if I don’t become something

There is no one I can blame

And I need a goat to scape on

A broken puzzle to put tape on

In this marathon of endless nights

Tedious fights

And colored lights

Yet to find desire in my streetcar

And now I’m going too far

Making allusions only an English teacher could enjoy

Using recently read literature as a toy

To mold like old play-dough

Once again I’ve run out of words to sew

Together

But this poem needs an ending they all do

So I’ll come full circle and begin again

I’m trying to write a poem

That will change the world

Or at least a girl

Or at least me

One that will set me free from these anxieties

One that can ripple over you like the breeze

I don’t know if it’s this one

It’s probably far too personal and discursive

Wild and non-immersive

But I’m glad I gave it a chance to live

On these pages

To let it drain these rages

I’m trying to write a poem

And I think I’m failing

Wandering and derailing

I’m trying to write a poem

That will mean something

That will be something

That will make me something

But all I find is nothing

I’m trying to write a poem

That’s vague and universal

Nothing I’ve memorized in rehearsal of this craft

I’m trying to write a poem

When I should be studying math

I’m trying to write a poem

Or let it find me

Reinvigorate and rewind me

And my memories

I’m trying to write a poem

Worth listening to

One that will finally be good enough for all of you

One that will change the world

Rattle the earth

Give me some goddamn worth

I’m trying to find a poem that will have voice

Or at least give me one

I’m trying to write a poem that will help me move on

I’m trying to write a poem

That will have an ending

So I can stop pretending

That I over emphasize things for artistic value

When all I do is carve out a piece of me

And seal it paper

I’m trying to write a poem

That will be greater than anyone you’ve ever heard or loved

One that will rattle the ones from above

One that will electrify the dove

And make her stop delivering a bunch of crummy messages

And sing her own tune

I’m trying to write a poem

For someone like you

I’m trying

To

Write

A poem

Oh wait…what did I just do?