Knock, Knock, Nothing's Here

I should’ve never opened my mouth

I should've never acted that way

My honesty would have no doubt

If I was just one of those girls who talked but had nothing to say

But that’s not the way I was raised

I was always praised because I wasn’t afraid

To open doors without knocking

I’ve never been comfortable

Locking my sentiments within the chambers of my heart

So I speak my mind

Open corridors of thoughts

And never turn behind

I don’t have opinions

I have convictions

And don’t put up restrictions

Between what I think and express

So I guess my soul is like a barn

Because the creatures who live in it

Never leave the doors closed
They just make a mess

I’m going to strip it all down.

I have a big mouth.

There is no screen

That filters what I tell you and what I mean

I’m a blunt little runt

And that’s why no one should believe that I pulled this stunt

Because I cared about you

You caught me like I was the flu

You were one of the most important people I knew

And who ever stew this poison

Who whispered screams about how I was trashing and tarnishing you

Is the true enemy

The worst part is I understand

That if people came to me

And said my man was degrading and berating me

While prom dating me

I would shatter what we had

Drop him like an outdated fad

Like Ed Hardy shirts and tie dyed pants

But this is not just about that notorious dance

It’s about how by chance

I didn’t do it this time

And I can’t unveil the truth in rhymes

But how about all the times we shared

How I assured you that you weren’t impaired

Every time the other girls left you defenestrated

And now I’m so frustrated because I’ve migrated

From the category of the trusted to the busted

I don’t know who cascaded the oxygen but we’ve rusted

And our bicycle won’t return us back to place we once relished in

I wish I was a man of tin

And my lips could be oiled when needed

And sealed when not

I know I don’t have many redeeming features

I’m not hot
I'm a plain jane who speaks the profane

I’m immensely human

Not a robot

I’m the true green

Don’t wander towards the sot

It may look more expensive

But it’s not meant to be in the yard

It’ll simply rot

And although I’m shot

Humiliated and degraded

Into some kind of beast or bitch

Hungry succubus or ripped stich

I walk through the hallways

Being attacked by the gaze

Of everyone who was supposed to be my friend

Whose loyalty was nothing but pretend

The reason I’m crying is because you’re hurt

Because you’re the one who’s being lied to

Because you are being played

And I know what it’s like to be reduced to a game

I told you if you did this

Nothing would ever be the same

And it’s not

You have infected all my thoughts

And although I was always the person who said

You didn’t need to knock to enter

When everyone knows that I’m now alone

I feel like I’m being invaded

Now I’m lying naked

On the marble floor

Watching everyone poke and prod me

To see what’s in store

Someone ripped off my doors

Leaving a void of protection

And I look into my reflection

And question

If the truth exists in only my own mind

Because the daggers have hit your eyes

And you are blind

At the hands of people who want to you to find

Someone more agreeable

And you want someone more believable

But if anything I’m too honest

Not two faced

And I wish I could erase

The stabbing sensation within my chest

Force these demons to take a rest

But I am obsessed with justice

And we live in America

We are innocent until proven guilty

But this is high school

A nation within a nation

That takes no deliberation

Before starting a sensation

Of disintegration and humiliation

 Here you’re desirable until proven human

Likeable until successful

Worthy until impactful

Nice until someone comes up with a good enough lie about you

And someone who you love is willing to listen

As I go to class my eyes glisten

With tears

And my throat closes with fears

Of what will happen to the carcass of our friendship

They say vultures don’t kill

But somehow they are the reason we’re dead

Because I never said those things

And I wish I could make you believe me

And relieve me

Of this insanity

When reality is surreal

But I can’t

My only power is to rant

Post-mortem

To take these tragedies and contort them

Until it’s just a stream of letters of a page

Or a confession on a tongue

My soul has been sliced

And strung

And these are merely the melodies that arise from

The world plucking at me

Unsure if any of it rings true

So I’m here

Apologizing for acts I didn’t do 
For you

Putting a Band-Aid on an amputation

Because I have no clue

What else to do.