Knock, Knock, Nothing's Here

I should’ve never opened my mouth
I should've never acted that way
My honesty would have no doubt
If I was just one of those girls who talked but had nothing to say
But that’s not the way I was raised
I was always praised because I wasn’t afraid
To open doors without knocking
I’ve never been comfortable
Locking my sentiments within the chambers of my heart
So I speak my mind
Open corridors of thoughts
And never turn behind
I don’t have opinions
I have convictions
And don’t put up restrictions
Between what I think and express
So I guess my soul is like a barn
Because the creatures who live in it
Never leave the doors closed
They just make a mess
I’m going to strip it all down.
I have a big mouth.
There is no screen
That filters what I tell you and what I mean
I’m a blunt little runt
And that’s why no one should believe that I pulled this stunt
Because I cared about you
You caught me like I was the flu
You were one of the most important people I knew
And who ever stew this poison
Who whispered screams about how I was trashing and tarnishing you
Is the true enemy
The worst part is I understand
That if people came to me
And said my man was degrading and berating me
While prom dating me
I would shatter what we had
Drop him like an outdated fad
Like Ed Hardy shirts and tie dyed pants
But this is not just about that notorious dance
It’s about how by chance
I didn’t do it this time
And I can’t unveil the truth in rhymes
But how about all the times we shared
How I assured you that you weren’t impaired
Every time the other girls left you defenestrated
And now I’m so frustrated because I’ve migrated
From the category of the trusted to the busted
I don’t know who cascaded the oxygen but we’ve rusted
And our bicycle won’t return us back to place we once relished in
I wish I was a man of tin
And my lips could be oiled when needed
And sealed when not
I know I don’t have many redeeming features
I’m not hot
I'm a plain jane who speaks the profane
I’m immensely human
Not a robot
I’m the true green
Don’t wander towards the sot
It may look more expensive
But it’s not meant to be in the yard
It’ll simply rot
And although I’m shot
Humiliated and degraded
Into some kind of beast or bitch
Hungry succubus or ripped stich
I walk through the hallways
Being attacked by the gaze
Of everyone who was supposed to be my friend
Whose loyalty was nothing but pretend
The reason I’m crying is because you’re hurt
Because you’re the one who’s being lied to
Because you are being played
And I know what it’s like to be reduced to a game
I told you if you did this
Nothing would ever be the same
And it’s not
You have infected all my thoughts
And although I was always the person who said
You didn’t need to knock to enter
When everyone knows that I’m now alone
I feel like I’m being invaded
Now I’m lying naked
On the marble floor
Watching everyone poke and prod me
To see what’s in store
Someone ripped off my doors
Leaving a void of protection
And I look into my reflection
And question
If the truth exists in only my own mind
Because the daggers have hit your eyes
And you are blind
At the hands of people who want to you to find
Someone more agreeable
And you want someone more believable
But if anything I’m too honest
Not two faced
And I wish I could erase
The stabbing sensation within my chest
Force these demons to take a rest
But I am obsessed with justice
And we live in America
We are innocent until proven guilty
But this is high school
A nation within a nation
That takes no deliberation
Before starting a sensation
Of disintegration and humiliation
 Here you’re desirable until proven human
Likeable until successful
Worthy until impactful
Nice until someone comes up with a good enough lie about you
And someone who you love is willing to listen
As I go to class my eyes glisten
With tears
And my throat closes with fears
Of what will happen to the carcass of our friendship
They say vultures don’t kill
But somehow they are the reason we’re dead
Because I never said those things
And I wish I could make you believe me
And relieve me
Of this insanity
When reality is surreal
But I can’t
My only power is to rant
To take these tragedies and contort them
Until it’s just a stream of letters of a page
Or a confession on a tongue
My soul has been sliced
And strung
And these are merely the melodies that arise from
The world plucking at me
Unsure if any of it rings true
So I’m here
Apologizing for acts I didn’t do 
For you
Putting a Band-Aid on an amputation
Because I have no clue
What else to do.


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