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Wednesday, February 24, 2016

10 Reasons Not To Come Out To Your Stepdad

  1. A week before I went to college
    you took me to the diner
    and explained in a bad Confucius accent
    “Virginity is like balloon. One prick, all gone!”
  2. This paled in comparison to the joke you told me when I was ten
    Why don’t lesbians eat meat?
    They’re vaginatarians!
  3. I’m pretty sure your midlife crisis was becoming a redneck
    While my friend’s dad spent their college savings
    on old cars
    and boats or other manly toys
    you cheated on mom with Glenn Beck
    and began sending me emails
    regarding the validity of
    Barrack Hussein Obama’s
    birth certificate
  4. Because my bisexuality will remind you
    that you didn’t donate your blood into me
    remind you my biological kindling
    lit an inferno reasons to relate men to gasoline
    you weren’t here early enough
    to make me less flammable
  5. Because you will think this has to do with hating men
    Instead of loving women
    loving warriors beside me
    a funhouse of mirrors
    that show my form only more radiant
  6. Because you won’t understand
    I am not in my moon goddess phase
    I am searching for sun
    Looking to evaporate between hydrogen and helium
    bursting with so much fire
    I could never let the passion drown
  7. Because it was so hard
    getting you to love me
    in the first place
    to rent real estate
    in the suburbia of parental humble bragging
    when you are proud of me
    I feel like I’ve paid off mortgages
    off every home conquered by the recession
    that my picket fence
    is not picketing the crumbled tissue
    lining my organs
  8. Because I love you too much to make you change
    make you realize that Confucius
    is not the person to give sex talks
    release a pocket of prejudice
    that makes you feel better than something
    when you have given up everything
  9. Coming out
    doesn’t feel like leaving a closet
    it feels like running into a cage
    and you are not good at directions
    or picking locks
    picking a new side
    I know you will pick my side
    you do not stand on sidelines
    you are a pageant mom in hockey jerseys
    a gladiator in ugly orange sweaters
    that you really should really take off
    take off
    down a new flyway
    migrate someplace warmer than the glacier
    you put me in
    when I’m no longer afraid of heights
    we can soar together
    but until then
  10. I’m terrified you will fight my future wife’s dad over who gets to walk their baby girl down the aisle.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Sex Before Sexuality

I lost my virginity under a bed
the cave where monsters hide
when they’ve grown too big for the closet
our nails sliced each others tumbled tree hipbones
our trembling names army knived across peach bark
there was permanence in those quivers
those matching panties ironed to the floor
that half digested shame

she’d seen my breasts before
but this time I showed her
showed her a drawing of these curves without hemlines
let her color me in with wildfire

It was the first time I bubble wrapped my body in branches
and last time someone thanked me for it

we weren’t in a closet
but I was still hiding
fenced up in her skin

I left no cards in her memories
Became the guy I was afraid to fuck
the bed deserted in a maze of snores
the lethal mute on harmonized heartbeats

After our flame all I wanted was a fire escape

I gave all of me
but took her pieces once the sheets bleached to reminiscence
Ironed myself a virgin for another year
Hoping it could wire her aluminum fingers into a DVR
I could record straight over 

What do you call finding the right person before yourself?
Sex before sexuality?
Learning CPR and in a massacre
and pounding your hands against a gasping corpse

Six months later
at a frat party so buzzard crowded
you could only rot alone
I texted her
Asked if we could do that thing again
that thing
you goddamn well know you aren’t ready to have sex
when you can’t let the word surf your tongue
When it tastes like an apology
or an exclamation point lopsided to a question mark
She was not punctuation
she was the whole sentence
I was just too afraid to say it out loud
But now
I am saying it
Out loud
Standing up as straight as lightning
slightly leaning both ways
but still electrifying
The italicized exclamation point as I was meant to be
the queer girl I was meant to be
We did it under a bed
but that didn’t make us monsters
We did it under a bed
because she didn’t like to sleep too high
because even dreams can be grounded
because this moment didn’t need to be put on a pedestal
We did it under a bed
because coming out shouldn’t be put on a pedestal
It’s skydiving
Not the hardest thing to do
but the hardest thing to decide to do
and I guess I needed her to say yes for me
and the next time I will make her say yes for me
like a sunset stretching its neck across the horizon

Here’s to the next morning.

Contact

Ariel is available and interested in anything creative!
For spoken word performances & workshops, web & graphic design, or other writing/film projects please contact via email at arielsob@usc.edu.
New York & Los Angeles work preferred!