10 Reasons Not To Come Out To Your Stepdad

  1. A week before I went to college
    you took me to the diner
    and explained in a bad Confucius accent
    “Virginity is like balloon. One prick, all gone!”
  2. This paled in comparison to the joke you told me when I was ten
    Why don’t lesbians eat meat?
    They’re vaginatarians!
  3. I’m pretty sure your midlife crisis was becoming a redneck
    While my friend’s dad spent their college savings
    on old cars
    and boats or other manly toys
    you cheated on mom with Glenn Beck
    and began sending me emails
    regarding the validity of
    Barrack Hussein Obama’s
    birth certificate
  4. Because my bisexuality will remind you
    that you didn’t donate your blood into me
    remind you my biological kindling
    lit an inferno reasons to relate men to gasoline
    you weren’t here early enough
    to make me less flammable
  5. Because you will think this has to do with hating men
    Instead of loving women
    loving warriors beside me
    a funhouse of mirrors
    that show my form only more radiant
  6. Because you won’t understand
    I am not in my moon goddess phase
    I am searching for sun
    Looking to evaporate between hydrogen and helium
    bursting with so much fire
    I could never let the passion drown
  7. Because it was so hard
    getting you to love me
    in the first place
    to rent real estate
    in the suburbia of parental humble bragging
    when you are proud of me
    I feel like I’ve paid off mortgages
    off every home conquered by the recession
    that my picket fence
    is not picketing the crumbled tissue
    lining my organs
  8. Because I love you too much to make you change
    make you realize that Confucius
    is not the person to give sex talks
    release a pocket of prejudice
    that makes you feel better than something
    when you have given up everything
  9. Coming out
    doesn’t feel like leaving a closet
    it feels like running into a cage
    and you are not good at directions
    or picking locks
    picking a new side
    I know you will pick my side
    you do not stand on sidelines
    you are a pageant mom in hockey jerseys
    a gladiator in ugly orange sweaters
    that you really should really take off
    take off
    down a new flyway
    migrate someplace warmer than the glacier
    you put me in
    when I’m no longer afraid of heights
    we can soar together
    but until then
  10. I’m terrified you will fight my future wife’s dad over who gets to walk their baby girl down the aisle.


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