Let Me Hate You Properly

i guess
i want adventure
to venture onto the ledge
pledge to uncertainty 
searching for variety
and liberty from the mundane
because nothing is as constricting as the same
inflicting the pain
it's against our biology
to be stagnant
a fragment of existence
i'm searching for resistance
revolution brewing in pollution
some evolution from the daily
re-enacting and compactly stalely 
pre-designed scripts
i want passion
to fashion mystery out of swaying hips
lips dripped in bad intentions
extensions of desires
inappropriate fires
let's want each other in the most unromantic ways
see skins as bins to waste our days
find clarity in the haze
because there's a disparity
with the fantasies that danced with me
and the reality that gazed back
an attack of disappointment

because i don't want you to apologize

i want you to be bad and mean it

 so when i think about you caring
i know that i can only dream it

because i want to properly hate you

despise and berate you
state you bullshitted your way into my heart
then i could be happy we didn't start
and depart from these moments
echoing in my head
but instead
you're sorry for trampling me
you nail the nice guy act to a tea
because it's not an act
and normally i have a knack for knocking out insincerity 
the authenticity you sent to me
has put a glitch in my ability to bitch
that you're the prick who lied
but you shatter me with that sorrow in your eyes
when i just want the right to despise you
in my own mind
so i'm looking for exploration of another kind
because meaning has become demeaning
eating through my core
so now i want adrenaline
pure risk
and nothing more.


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