Let Me Hate You Properly

i guess

i want adventure

to venture onto the ledge

pledge to uncertainty 

searching for variety

and liberty from the mundane

because nothing is as constricting as the same

inflicting the pain

monotony

it's against our biology

to be stagnant

a fragment of existence

i'm searching for resistance

revolution brewing in pollution

some evolution from the daily

re-enacting and compactly stalely 

pre-designed scripts

i want passion

to fashion mystery out of swaying hips

lips dripped in bad intentions

extensions of desires

inappropriate fires

let's want each other in the most unromantic ways

see skins as bins to waste our days

find clarity in the haze

because there's a disparity

with the fantasies that danced with me

and the reality that gazed back

an attack of disappointment

because i don't want you to apologize

i want you to be bad and mean it

 so when i think about you caring

i know that i can only dream it

because i want to properly hate you

despise and berate you

state you bullshitted your way into my heart

then i could be happy we didn't start

and depart from these moments

echoing in my head

but instead

you're sorry for trampling me

you nail the nice guy act to a tea

because it's not an act

and normally i have a knack for knocking out insincerity 

the authenticity you sent to me

has put a glitch in my ability to bitch

that you're the prick who lied

but you shatter me with that sorrow in your eyes

when i just want the right to despise you

in my own mind

so i'm looking for exploration of another kind

because meaning has become demeaning

eating through my core

so now i want adrenaline

pure risk

and nothing more.