Fading Tide

I am too accustomed to drowning above sea level
Gasping in a flood of forgotten memories
When you give yourself to a whirlpool
the strokes of her fingers won't wash away

When you kiss a tsunami

Spend a night 
pressed against a blushing ocean

The blue you don’t fall for

But into

You'll take razors to her waves

And snort her foam like cocaine

Like swallowing syllables

Like inhaling a song

Belugas singing operatic lullabies

Whales do not have gills

Which is to say

They do not breathe under water

Which is to say

They live half drowning

Feeding off a universe they were not built to inhabit

The sting of saltwater across their lungs

She was crinkled toes
The misplaced habitat
And you were an orca in the closet
she wasn't going back inside

You loved her more than breathing
More than the dresses you hid the gay under
You gave her the parts they told you only belonged to men 
Tasted your mother's trembles on her lips

I’ve never loved someone for their convenience

Someone who could deliver all of themselves

So I chase tidal waves

Let them step on me

because their footprint is a larger stamp of passion

than any second date

Have you ever suffocated above water?

Would you dive into acid

Because it’s the pool big enough to swallow you

Because it’s the only body that can cradle yours

Because the air you can breathe tastes like arsenic

Like cracked veins

Like open wound apologies

The stabbing empty?

I am too accustomed to drowning above sea level

Transplanting my heart into the fading tide