Skinny Friend

To my skinny friends:

Stop staying

But you’re not fat!

Every time I complain about my body.

Because we all know you will not follow it with

you’re SO skinny you make

Victoria Secret models develop new eating disorders

I am not the 12 year old girl trading insecurity for compliments

I’m the size where people can’t publicly comment on my eating habits

but guys look at me and think

...maybe?

I don’t know the man of my dreams

because they keep swallowing me

last week I was having a surgery

and the doctor offered to scrape off my fat

while I was drunk on morphine

I woke up still listing body parts I want him to cut off

Cut off telling me my eyes are concrete lilies

pretty will never be a dress that zips up without an extra pair of fingers

My fingers point at you, skinny friend

who I know doesn’t like being called skinny friend

because no one's actually allowed to feel good about their body

they serve us all a slice of shame

but you wouldn’t have any of my strawberry cheesecake

you want to Rachel Dolezal yourself into pudge

I never worry about someone wanting me for my body

but no one says my stretch marks mean I can grow

he likes something to grab onto, not hold
We grow potholes every time we’re full

skinny friend

my voice is a vibrating chick held in human palms

when I tell mom she only laid bikinis across my sister’s bed

that my sexy is properly tucked in

when you cackle at my granny panties

I never explain they help me stand straighter

my lungs breathe smoother sucking in

I am always holding my breath

suffocating above water

I didn’t go to your pool party

I was too ashamed to stuff myself in a two piece

but ordered a swimsuit that kisses my fleshy angles

like crimson leaves across dead grass

tried it on seven times

hoping readjusting its wires

would puppeteer my cellulite

You say, let’s just work out.

but the gym is silent segregation

each pair of yoga pants shriek thin only

shriek a flickering white noise

a trembling television melting behind my eyes

beauty is in the eye of the beholder

but what if you’re too big to carry?

skinny friend

I get carried away when you talk about your body

talk about how it doesn’t fit you

I know there’s skinny shaming

but this whole society fits you

it’s you in the movies

on the magazines and lips of every man

my fingers are too sausage to reach for

photoshop is one size fits all

and the lady who works there

won’t give me a key to the dressing room

because she’s afraid I’ll stretch out the filters

skinny friend

you say fuck the sad out

I never bring boys back from the party

I’m terrified of no fabric to hide behind

that if I spilled out 

everyone’d know 
I am loose lava

melted ice cream

too much mix for the waffle fryer

that the corset of self confidence and body empowerment

has dug welts into me

that you have dug welts into me

by burrowing into your self esteem

making my dream body a graveyard

in Silence of the Lambs

the serial killer chases thick women

because they have more flesh for him to skin

the actress wasn’t even that big

and I couldn’t help thinking

even psychopaths need an excuse to want us

I’m learning no one needs an excuse to want themselves.

friend,

I write this

because I think you’re stunning

romance novel beautiful

I write this

because I’m still fighting to say

me too