Cat Dissection

I’ve realized that 90% of human interaction is metaphor

Complaining over single ply toilet paper
tells your housemate to clean the bathroom

the perfect dress is the trophy for winning a breakup

We insert items in place of emotions
So I'm writing this poem about my anxiety--

Let's talk about my cat.

I got him to nestle in the shadows of all the empty I carried this summer
He found space to sleep in the loneliness I swallowed
Tiptoes across my stomach
like it’s been paved by pointe shoes
interrupts everything
interrupts my mind mid poem
mid class
mid breath
the last time I left my flesh in a man’s sheets
let his fingers bristle against my broken
I scarved down cereal and fled home to feed him

My cat is the anchor to my bed

only comfortable between the comforters
and behind closed doors
He tsunamis over moonlit voyages
Repossesses my dreams
I have midnight silence
Eyes wide open
Mind never quite shut
He sprints across a copper wheel in my crania
Mows down every person who’s told me I matter
Every person who’s told me they will be here

I trust my anxiety more than people because
he always will be here

Anxiety--I mean kitty
follows me across my kitchen and nibbles on my breakfast
reminds me I am never alone
that the universe is a china shop
and I am always the bull
he knows I rupture everything I touch
knows I'm running from expansion of my bones

When I admitted I was a cat person
I made more friends than ever before
a classmate tags me in posts of tiny tigers on instagram
my friend clenches me a joint
and says it lets his kittens out long enough
so he can sleep

Everyone likes dogs
but for some of us
the purr of anxiety is the only way we recognize home
they call us crazy cat ladies
but it is not just tattered women
it is not just the hum of insanity
Trembling nervous systems don't talk about our quake
silence is our evolutionary shell
We carve cellular cages to contain our rumble

this is my dissection
Scalpel's crash against my seizures
Stroking my kitten while typing in lines

I’m must acknowledge he exists
before I leave him at home.


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