To The Boy I’m Having Sex Dreams About:

After four consecutive nights

of seeing your naked body leaning across my unshaven subconscious

I found a poem grinning between my gums

A poem that is officially too embarrassing to write

The kind of embarrassing that erupts

When you really fucking want someone

When fucking isn’t a dirty enough word for the collision

The burst of our lavender breath

They started as fantasies

We’re in the mall buying lingerie

I ask you if this means we’re together

You do that yes of a laugh

And suddenly I am under you

Suddenly there’s an amber alert for my clothes

Suddenly I’m quaking in your arms

Constellations drying on my neck

You turn my mattress into a notebook

Stain my memories with tar-bled ink

I’ve told 3 friends

Thought: make this a joke

Turn the haunting into B movie gore

Laugh reverb into this jump cut

But this is not raw desire

Ok it’s pretty raw desire

But not Rocky punching steaks in the freezer raw desire

Like ahai tuna with a side of couscous please hold me until you’ve consumed my breath desire

But not like trendy

Like healthy

Like you are the first guy to meet me past moonlight

And photograph the sunlight in my smile

My self portrait looks a lot like a stabbing
Everything I say

Somehow staples me down

You whisper

Not every sentence has to be my hanging

But baby

If I’m even allowed to call you baby

Because putting you in poems

about me putting you in my sex dreams—

Fuck, it’s my poem, so baby

I scoop out my self-esteem to make room for your compliments

For your chocolate eyes

The overpriced fancy wrapper with quotes and 60% cocoa eyes

The I shouldn’t have bought this in whole foods

But today I stampede delicious eyes

You are my newest prescription of twitching heartbeats

Cover me like fresh snowflakes

Fill my teacup kneecaps with honey

So I can stick to something

So I can stick and not be stuck

You say I speak a lot and really fast.

I say there aren’t enough moments to dig up the words you bury in me

You walk me to my apartment

Your bike skids into a memory

I’m laying between extra pillows and poems

Hoping see you later

meant tonight