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Monday, December 12, 2011

High Schoolecstasy

High Schoolecstasy
There's this drug I've been taking
It makes my body pulse with adrenaline and sometimes fear
My blood quivers in my veins
It makes my body smell
It's so easy to see everyone is taking it at my school
Because they all host the scent of computer paper, pencil sharpeners, and sweat
When I take it I get paranoid too.
I feel like there's some higher power watching everything I do
the grades I make
the clubs I'm in
the awards I win
and it’s not god, it’s like a school of watchers checking to see if I'm good enough
The drug gives me other feelings
the feeling of being the gopher in wack-a-mole
and being smacked down with the pressure
and it aches and burns and I just feel like I'm going to die
but I go in and take the drug the next day.
I'm so addicted.
And I hate it.
I hate the fear, the grade swings, looking at my classmates like right here, right now we're competing
to survive
and you know what they say about the fittest.
My head aches and I stay up all night
tossing and turning in algebra and world economics
and in the morning I'm incomplete
I'm missing something
and it hurts so bad taking it
I feel like a soulless monster skulking among the shadows
but I've lost all control
it's no longer me, it's a monster rolling around in research papers and reading
so lost with cloudy eyes
like a snake ready to feed upon anyone.
But I try to stop.
I withdraw for around two months.
The symptoms aren't so bad,
playing, sunshine, friends
But it's unstoppable; I am a slave to the drug
And year after year I relapse.
But some people never quit
they are the ones who never withdraw and during the months I relax they continue
studying in dark rooms filled with SAT posters
Eyes cloudy with the drug devouring all light
leaving behind an abyss of who was once someone who did a sport for fun
Or just liked to help people
But now their motives have roamed across the crevices of their minds.
Leaving behind this substance
This drug
Controlling us all.

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Ariel is available and interested in anything creative!
For spoken word performances & workshops, web & graphic design, or other writing/film projects please contact via email at arielsob@usc.edu.
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