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Thursday, June 27, 2013

You Know It

I’d tell you a secret
But you know it

The silence sentences
But you know them

We’ve said
All the things in my head
In our thread
Of dialogue

Just not each thought in my heart
I’m one being
But my parts part
As my emotions dart through nerves
Giving me the nerve
To erase the herd
Of words
That I wish I could say
They are whited out
By the doubt
That you would stay
If it became a hello
Instead of a hey

Because you are godlike
When I pray
For you not to go away
The secrecy of these secrets fray
And you know it.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Suicidal

It was a particularly bad day
When Becky was compelled to say
Don't do anything to hurt yourself.
Something fell off the shelf inside me
Superficial "I'm ok"s
Couldn't hide me
So I utilized a reply-flee
I'm far too egotistical for that.
A glimpse into my best friend's eyes
Provided that her fears hadn't subsided
And she was not satisfied
You can mess and mend over and over again
But you can only kill yourself once
Poetic comeback started to quiver on my lips
And forced me to deliver this:

Hun, I've committed suicide so many times
That I would be surprised
If the Ariel you're talking to doesn't die before these rhymes
If she lasts until tomorrow
It's not an act of lack of pride or sorrow
It's just than when I despise the lies or identity I borrow
I bury them 
And wait for a new individual to stem
From its grave
I could rave
About how many murders I've committed
I do it every time my skin is poorly fitted 
To the situation
Each creation of me 
Is a mutation 
Of the radiation
When I didn't like myself anymore
I've been reinvented so frequently
That as you speak to me
I have enough slaughtered identities
To submerge 10 floors

Because we don't find ourselves
We create them
And I've always been creative
So I do what God did
I make people
My template is my form
His is the earth
So call me Mary
Because I'm a virgin who's given birth
And Jesus Christ
If we're rolling the religious dice
The individuals born
Should be sworn as prophets
And I should get some profits
For setting my soul ablaze
(But I'm Jewish, so none of this shit matters anyways)

And don't you give me that gaze
Because it won't phase me
Just raise me up
Because this world is rough
And when I'm not tough
I make myself into someone who is
There's never been time for me to be a kid
When there wasn't air someone out there
Had to find a way for me to breathe

Can't you see 
I'm not a chameleon
I'm a kaleidoscope
Twisting myself into someone who can cope
When fate can't sate its addiction to tragedy
When pain is life's dope
I have the power
To shower 
And soap up
And adjust into someone I like again

I don't do this to gain friends
Because you'll always be here anyway
But what I'm trying to say
Is that when I feel worthless
And just want to go away
I do
But I just can't resist that yearn to return
So I don't end up in an urn
But a new outfit and outlook

When you look at me today
You see a girl who took many lives
Each of them her own
By simply changing her home and tone
And you might decide this is suicide
But to me it means I've grown
Sewn a new pattern
Onto the quilt of my being

I'm seeing that this is a lot like fleeing
But everything is fleeting
Even the heart beating in my chest
And I must confess
That it scares me
That I find myself so disposable
Opposable 
But that ability in our thumb
Makes us human

This is the face of a new race
One that will displace you stubborn species
Because when everything is feces
Total shit
We say this is it
And shift
Into someone who can lift
The weight of the world

And this must sound so egotistical
Coming from one girl
But there have been so many of me
the freak
the meek
the bleak
the chic
the weird
the teared
the mis-steered
the misheared
the misheard
the herd member
the remembered
I've been below temp
Because I've felt so cold
The centennial 
Because I've felt so old
I'm a perennial
That can't be told to fit the mold
Of everlasting
Because change has been blasting
After since they shoved me on the bus floor
And poured ice tea on me
Screaming
You're worthless

I'd promise you I won't hurt myself
I'd promise you that I would change
But promises are just XLLies
I don't believe in them
But I do believe in the truth
That pieces of you
Fall out
Each a baby tooth
Blood is recycled
And cleansed
So is the heart it runs through

There are 2 things that never deteriorate
My name
Because that's a tattooed label
And that I'm write these poems
Because it's the only thing that's able
To be stable. 

Friday, June 14, 2013

Let's Go Stealing Hearts

I should’ve kissed him
And him
And him
Should’ve kissed him hard
On the lips
As he held my hips
As a sensation dripped
Down the tips of my tongue
But I’m just wrung too tight
I’ve kept waiting for the moment to be right
But now I’m nearly 18
And never seen a romantic flight
Chemistry
Is confined to a test tube in my chest
And in this life every moment is a test
And I just can’t address
These feelings
I keep reeling them in
Transforming them into poetry
But I’m tired of words on a page
On want them on my mouth
I want to act
And shout
And eradicate the doubt
That I’m too young for love
Because I’ve been in prospect park
Far too long
And I want to hear a minstrel’s song
As I row across
The boat house at central
I want to glimpse at the gloss on his lips
And know I’m where it came from
Because I’m tired of being strummed along
I’m tired of wearing grandma bloomers
When I look better in a thong
And I mean this in a metaphorical sense
Don’t get your panties in a bunch
I need to act on a simple hunch
Take a break for hand holding
Instead of lunch
I want to bunch
The emotions steaming through my body
And throw them at a Y chromosome
Like punting a football
Hoping that some teammate will catch it
Stare into the darkness
And confess
I don’t want it lit
Graze each summer day across
A no longer stranger’s chest
Roll around like a hound in a mess
And adorn dirt like a dress
I want to be wild
Because I’m no longer a child
I’m a pair of hands and feet and lips
Sewed to a heart
And I need something to start
Or ignite
Because there is nothing duller than the bonds of fright
Let’s feel more than feelings
Let’s go stealing hearts
And throw them at walls like plates bound to be broken
Because I have more to give than a token
I’m standing here
Arms out stretched
Rippling in an ocean of hands
Splitting me
Breaking my rib cage
Because beneath the veins and arteries
There’s an organ
That’s wants to be stopped
By you
Because I missed you
I should’ve kissed you
Hard
On the lips.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Lucky 13

I can’t wait to leave home.

This is what everyone’s saying
The cracked record replaying
The message we’re laying down 
As we exit this town
But I can’t relate
I’m having an internal debate
Leaving 
Makes me feel as safe
As sitting shotgun in a car driven by Amanda Bynes
I've been looking into our graduation
And what did I find?
We are the class of 2013
This dulls the sheen
Of this whole diploma-tic scene
There’s no number cursed like ours
Once I exit this stage it’ll get bizarre
The earth will implode
We’ll immigrate to Mars
Creating a neighborhood in the stars
When we don’t know our non-milky way
What I’m trying to say
Is that I’m terrified that things won’t stay the same
We’re going too far away 
Where no one knows our names

But then memories of Syosset pulse through my veins
And the intangible explains
That we might not be lucky
But we are smart
We've learnt the art of following a heart
We studied revolutions and how they start
In phys ed we defied painful strides
And flew across fields like darts
In bio we did dissections
In history we explored elections
How to mend society’s imperfections
We glimpsed into our reflections
And in health we played our hands 
and became fans of introspection
Syosset was an infection of a direction
We found where we going and nothing stopped us
We faced tragedy but nothing dropped us
This class survived asbestos, 9/11, and the Jersey Shore
We saw injustice and it left us wanting more
We read books as heavy as lead
And thread concepts like the IRS and biceps
We dove into depths of morality
We recognized the value to avert your eyes
And realize that a pretty face has no place above your personality
We showed reality the door and did more than anyone imagined we could do
We rocked that purell during swine flu
And we grew
And grow
And we know 
That the ability to show is just as great as to tell
We witnessed war and hell
And when we fell
We recovered from the trauma
We didn't cry to Mama
Or revel in the drama 
For we understand 
Crevices in the land only make green hills
So beautiful that they instill thousands of thrills
The memory from these four years fills us
Which a rush
When something is wrong we refuse to be hushed
And we might be leaving home but home is not leaving us
You will always be a brave
You will always have the courage to save
Someone on the run from treachery
You can change where you’re going 
But not where you’re from 
And because I am from Syo
I will be brilliant, not dumb
We will hum beauty into the silence of oppression
We will survive recessions
Depressions
And obsessions
Because we know how to question
I have a confession
I've sat through thousands of classes
But I've only learned one lesson
’13 might not be lucky
But it’s lucky for us
Because we made it that way
Because we have a lust for innovation
Deliberation 
And creation
And I hope you’ll use every moment as inspiration
To be a deviation from the ordinary
Because we are extraordinary
We are the generation 
That’ll revolutionize our nation
And this is not a graduation
But an invitation from the future
That you cannot defer
So congratulations
We are lucky 13
Today is our formation
Each conversation is an oration
Each sunrise is a standing ovation
Each sensation is integration
Each imagination is illumination
So let’s throw our caps up in exhilaration 
Because this is our time for celebration.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

For Ken

I don’t know how to say goodbye
So I’ll write a poem instead
Because that is the only thing that will encompass these thoughts in my head
And explain the costs of leaving here
I’ve been heaving up pieces of myself for years
You guys have heard my laughs and tears
Transforming my fears into art
People always focus on the ending
But what is really important is the start
This is my home
Where I’ve grown
And known myself in ways I didn’t think I could
They always tell you to step up
And this was my plate
Where I had the potential to be something great
And even when I get irate when you capitalize all 3 letters of
“Ken”
Because it’s a word in the dictionary
It doesn’t stand for anything
--but that’s just not true for me anymore
I must confess
That ken means “yes” in Hebrew
And that has proven to be true
Here you said
            Yes we believe I you
            Yes you can do anything your heart tells you to
            Yes there is where fantasies come true
            Yes this where the voices grew
I’ve taken on protégées and been one
And yes clubs are supposed to be fun
But this is the only one that has taken on that title
D2 is the only place that has taken a space in my soul
Not stood idle on my resume
And although it seems like just the other day
In 2011 Taylor Mali
Told me when I said I’m a member of ken
That literary art magazines always have the funniest names
And 4 years later I can say the same
Because Ken
Is not your range of vision
It’s your range of revision
Decision
Collision
And nuclear fission
It’s more than what you can see
It’s what you feel and believe
And this is the place where people believed in me
And set free a reason to write these rhymes
Here there were open ears and times
When you listened to me
When I couldn’t even bear to listen to myself
This was a wealth of waving hands
And genuine smiles
And I would walk miles
If that’s what it took to get me one more hand up
To answer the prompt
You have stomped the rhythm of my heart beat
Every time I saw your feet walk though that door
You gave me art and writing
And I always wanted more
And I’ve been in a bunch of activities
I’ve won more than one prize
But the greatest of all is that look in your eyes
When I’ve inspired you
Or you’ve inspired me
When I truly am your president
And I don’t know where this year went
I just know that I love you so much
You are my children
            Siblings
            My friends
And when this meeting ends
I don’t think those things ever should
And I’m going really far away
More towns that I could ever say
But I pray that we’ll stay close
Because this is one of the things that’ve touched me the most
It’s been the host of the person I want to be and become
And if I could strum each moment together
It’d be the most beautiful song
Because as a friend said
            This is where I belong
And saying goodbye feels all wrong
Because nothing could replace
The smile on my face that you’ve stenciled in
Because the truth doesn’t exist until someone bears witness to it
And you have been my audience
I know you all have the sense
To ensure that this club will
As the giant it is today
So this is the one thing I have left to say
I might be leaving Ken

But Ken will never go away.

Contact

Ariel is available and interested in anything creative!
For spoken word performances & workshops, web & graphic design, or other writing/film projects please contact via email at arielsob@usc.edu.
New York & Los Angeles work preferred!