somewhere inside by Loui  Jover
my type has always been tall
my first boyfriend was 6 feet in 6th grade
my first kiss on tip toes
my first love shelved his heart yards above me

As a girl with a big personality
I was taught
chase boys I won’t overpower
date tall
be dust
so he can sweep you off your feet
forget the ground
forget standing
forget you can stand
girls with big personalities 
learn to skydive
without parachutes
we are taught
if you want them to love you
put away your stilettos
put away the words wrangling your tongue
be small

I learned to love boys feet above me
plummeting skyscrapers
who buried me alive

I was a continent to be conquered
catastrophe to be handled
A deformity
mouth swollen with words I forgot to swallow
do not feed the bitch
do not brush her fangs
do not love me
only what you can make me into
the right guy could hold my ugly back
Back when I was four
I wrote in my diary
I like Brandon. He’s tall.
Did I want to make him mine
or just become his?

girls with big personalities
grow up growing in
swallowing silence
prescribed scoliosis to slouch our voices
I want to stand up straight
I want to stand up out of my seat
stand out
outside this ribcage frame
stand tall with an equal
not a boy in men's clothing
5 feet and 6 inches of honesty
so grounded I forget gravity
pierce the atmosphere with my own ambition
I'm done making myself small so men feel big.
Tonight I'm going to put on a pair of heels
that make ass look great
even if I’m a foot taller
I’m done reaching down


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