Tsunami

You know when you meet someone so adorable

that your legs forget they have knees?

Last semester he wore jean jackets

and made my veins vibrate

When I told him I liked him

I did it seven times in a row

After an hour of failed seduction

I released him from my apartment

But before the door shut I whispered:

I’m the girl your ex was afraid of

Yes.

Yes I did.

But in my head

the statement wasn’t at dramatic

I’m a HSP

A highly sensitive person

Before discovering the condition

I was just the over-reacting

over-emotional

crazy bitch

The label is a cage

It locks the isolation out

I don’t feel misunderstood

now that I have a chance at understanding

why vulnerability feels so toxic

I can’t even swallow a teaspoon

See, I have a heightened nervous system

my neurons are bodybuilders carrying tons of emotion

my life story is written in caps lock

every light is bright

scent is strong

my phone roars like bomb sirens

my feelings run marathons inside me

I’m an old soul

whose inner life sprinted past the physical

everyone calls a bitch

because I’ve been living in dog years

In that doorway

I wasn’t threatening to feed your balls to my cat

I was saying

the last girl

can’t love you the way I will

my heart plays at twice the volume

amplified miles high

is double the distance to fall

when I fall for you

I will shatter the sidewalk

My footprint is an earthquake

My giggles are cackles

My small talk is at best oversharing

When there’s a hurricane inside you

your lips make shitty levees

When emotion floods out

People say I’m naturally a disaster

But love is so much more

when you give it the power to break you

Each crack

transforms my aorta to stain glass

transforms sunlight to colored beams

transforms kisses to grenades

demolishing ribcages inside me

I know of the freedom of drowning

singing without breath

And baby I know my voice quivers

but that’s doesn’t mean

you shouldn’t listen to this song

My sensitivity’s not a disorder

it’s a blueprint of my spine

my thin walls easily flood

but only waves can create pearls

They say humans are recycled stardust

cellular creatures who emerged from the sea

The tsunami inside me

brings us closer to home.