I Know Where God Is

I know where God is
That’s right
I know where God is
And she's not hiding
She's trapped
decaying shackles clenching her feet
colonizing the claws and shriek

I don’t want this
I don’t want this
Choose someone else
Just not me

But fingernails only scraped wind
cries only collided with one pair of shattered ears
Someone tossed God in a vacant room
With thousands of light switches
ivory tabs padding the confinement
God flicks them
clicking the only music in this realm
God doesn’t know 
which breaths they turn on and off
God just prays
to swallow enough matches
to spit fiery escape
But praying does little
When it’s to yourself

Every day faceless hands slip God letters

Dear God
Get us pregnant
Get us happy
Make me love me
Slaughter the emptiness
that chews on each limb

There are no return addresses

Dear God
Thanks for the miscarriage
You should’ve saved the farm
She’s dead
They took my leg
He took it from me
It’s your fault

There are no responses

Dear God
You vomited earth across this carpet universe
and left it for us to vacuum
Abandoning nations in the streets
without bothering to clean them up first
You give them shoes and us war
and I’m tired of writing to something that doesn’t exist
I’m not looking for you
Because you’re not anywhere
You are the bedtime lie
we swallow to sleep easier

awaken us through devouring nightmares

There are only light switches
frantically ambushed by fists
Trying to save the people
Trying to save the creator
Trying to howl

I’m sorry
I don’t know what I’m doing

Rippling Morris code
 ripped from the eternal tongue
Sometimes God thinks we’re right
her existence is a fraying fabrication
discount store linen to curtain the windows of our faces
They say 
free cities and minds
But God is just another prisoner

I know where God is
Tied to backs of throats
and crests of eyes
dawn intruding on vegetation
trapped on street corners 
in cardboard boxes of perfection 
we hollow out under church bells

I didn’t want this
Choose someone else
Anyone else

And God takes our letters
Skinned moments tattooed with wanting
Beating them against aorta
breaking a sputtering heart
God gets on her knees
And cries for salvation
But praying does little
When it’s to yourself.


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