The Loves of My Life

I

met the love of my life

when i was four

and when i was seven

and when i was twelve

and when i was fourteen

and when i was seventeen

he was blonde and tall

and he dropped my preschool jaw

down to the floor

we shared a milkshake at the diner

and talked about soccer

a sport i pretended i played and understood

he was born deaf

and said i was the next van gogh

and expected me to cut off my ear

he had no fear to flaunt his jewfro

but took four months for his lips to go on the back of my neck

while we were watching the most romantic film of all time

The Pink Panther

2

He sent me definitions of words i never knew existed

He resisted saying hello for months

but he never failed to trail my skin with goose bumps

he

and he

and he

were destined for me

for eternity

we fit like spit in a ball

like japy moms in their daughters jeans at the mall

like leafs on the grass in the fall

he understood me

showed me what i could be

fulfilled every fantasy

even when moments got hairy

i knew we were going to get married

he’d be by my side because i was meant to be his bride

but when i closed my eyes

he would vanish

only to be replaced

by a new face

set of hands and atria

and each time it left me terrified

how i lied to myself

saying that our life had an eternal shelf

and my heart is left with welts

from the times i led it along

and smacked it around

how i labelled its sound without even taking its pulse

i wanted to believe

that i had found him

when i should’ve been waiting to find me first

because the worst

was that 

LOVE

didn’t go as rehearsed

no cake or promise love til hearse

i thought i liked the song

before i even got through the second verse

i reached into my purse

and gave him my id

because something inside me

informed me that he was the one

and i let him strum

ME

along like a guitar

cemented to him like tar

i dont know why im so positive of something so fleeting

i think im depleting my deposits of positivity

there isn’t much left to give of me

because i’ve given away my heart

and all i have left is kidneys

and that would not look good as a hallmark card

my arteries have been clogged with lard

because i have been eating naive pie

thinking that one glance from his eye

means that there’s a connection

that i should look and see him in my reflection

and after much introspection

i’ve realized that i’m not carrie bradshaw

these guys dont unzip my bra

but my skin

i let them look within

rearrange my veins and domains

when all i really know is their names

i hop into love too early

probably because that makes better poetry

because that is the only man who’s stuck by me

i’ve been in a relationship with rhetoric for years

and i guess im destined

to marry my own art

because regardless of how many times i’ve rented it out

he’s the only one who owns my heart.