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Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Back to Square 2

Square 1
The sum of a few glances
Taken chances
Talk that is no longer small
When I noticed I could fall for you
Sparks in the air
Speaking stares
Airs filled with discovery
Of who you are and what you crave to be
Uncovering compatibility
And possibilities
Fresh meat sizzled in our romantic stew
And the flavor grew
As we encountered Square 2
Occasional hellos
Walking together unsure where to go
I laughed at your jokes
And you laughed at me
How my actions are never performed gracefully
Everything simple and sweet
In the chaos of unveiled futures and progressing feet
Dancing beneath ladders
Because we didn't need luck
We were stuck
In a jocular semi-flirtatious tone
Accelerating replies through my phone
Or cell
I could tell that
I was a familiar face
A reserved place in the friend zone
But your beauty emerged
Something potent had grown
I was devoured by the urge to splurge on an internal nip and tuck
Conforming myself to the one you'd like to--and suddenly Square 3 struck
Texting for seven hours straight
Speaking of metaxy and fate
Sprinkling admiration in our debates
Glimmers of secrets immersed in your eye
And your presence forced my stomach to fly
Then crash
I saw not an ash but a provocative flame
Evocative of thrills every time I heard your name
You convinced me that you felt the same
My sparrow of a hand clenched yours
And you didn't complain
That it wasn't tame
Forbidden words and gestures
Hidden jokes and treasures
The time I said
You think you're very witty
And you replied
Hell yeah I'm clever
And you beat something out of me
Transformed my heart into leather
Solidifying expectations of together and forever
Never reflecting
Only expecting
You to illuminate my days
With your gaze
Like a firefly in the night
And my pupils witnessed everything yet I had no sight
Only the power to ignite more affection
To thrust it in your direction
Us was defined by perfection
There was no need for cautionary inspection
Because everything was key
Until you chose someone who wasn't me.

Suddenly I was evacuated from Square 3
I'd been played like a guitar or a game of Yahtzee
Whatever we had was defenestrated
I was devastated
For you had penetrated
My verbose exoskeleton
I gave you the power to break my heart
The system failed and I didn't dare press restart
I encountered you and didn't greet
You looked at me and our eyes didn't meet
There was silence as you took your seat
Which was no longer next to mine
For you degraded me into a piece of meat
Then turned on the heat
Letting micro-organisms dwell on my carcass and begin to eat
I was shattered and frustrated
I still am
So I took a stand
And abdicated
Leaving you isolated
But it also generated
A stabbing sensation in my heart
Because Square 0 is awfully tart
I didn't know how to perform the part
Of a gargoyle
For the stone took a toil
And started to soil all my inner organs and places
Preventing homeostasis
Only a series of biological races towards death
There was agony in each breath
For you took a step away and so did I
And the distance was unbearable
Practically irreparable
For you are a magnet
And I'm nothing but a set of iron
So the forces pried on
I loved you even when I hated you
So after my treatment of silence
And emotional violence
I played with fire
Spoke with you, old flame
I'll probably get scorched but I can endure the pain
Just not this game
And as we reconnected the crisis returned to the same
And mundane
Nothing had changed 
But me
I struggled to find my location
And it occurred to me
I was not in Square 0, nor 3
I am now in Square 2
We aren't strangers, but we are still new
I don't have a clue what you'll do
Only that I'm back as your companion
The friend who once loved you.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Don't Contract Me, I'm a Lethal Lover

I will eat your soul
And spit out your lungs
So you can no longer inhale
Anything else

I will tap into your straits of blood
And leave you empty
You will wander through life
Clenching your core
Afraid that when you release your grip
The framework of your body
Will tumble
Because I am not a woman you mess with
I am an ailment
I decide if you survive
If your organs collide
My symptoms can be sweet
But if you are not
I will conquer your form

I am lethal
A mix of hips and cyanide
And if you contract me
Use me
Abuse me
Or take me for a ride
I will abide by the laws of us infections
Ripping you from a direction
Leaving your corpse with nothing
But the sight of its shattered reflection
Because you uprooted every road
Reclaimed every gift you bestowed
And I'm telling you to give back
The moments you've stolen from me
Pretending to be
Someone--something else
We were nothing but a game and you beat me hard
Leaving me with welts
And I refuse to be another notch in your belt
I'm the rip that will tear it in half
I'm Listerine
Because your mouth needs a bath
For it has been polluted by lies
Giving out unnecessary highs
And forming more than ties
But bonds
I'm still bound to you
And I can't tell my teachers I'm late because you lost the keys to my cage
So I'm forced to convert my affection into rage
I've become a disease
That infects every page
With overly personal poetry
Unsure what you know of me
Only that my love is lethal
And by sampling it
You are not granted a vaccine
Merely a biological machine
That will destroy you
What you've performed and seen
Leave you crimson on the green
Sweltering in your own sin
Unsure of if what you contracted is me
Or just the heart of another girl where you've been.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Love and Other Drugs

There are 2 things I don't take
1) Drugs
2) Boys who don't treat me right.
You've proven to be both.

I was addicted to you
You pumped through my veins
Driving me insane
Making everything plain in relation
You were a deviation 
From the things of natural creation
I normally consumed
I smoked you and your fumes devoured me
Along with all the clarity
And self control I once had
You were a drug
And you had me bad
Investing my days to obtain you
Averting my gaze to refrain you
Down my avenue
So now you want to grab and adore me
After you stabbed and ignored me
After I let you explore me
And floor me
No
You cannot grasp my waist
No
You cannot look at this face
Because it will just be another thing you'll displace
You're nothing
But something
That needs to be replaced
Because you are in my space
We were once in a three legged race
And you crossed the finish line without me
So don't doubt me
I am the independent 
Descendant of Artemis and Hermes
I'm going to shoot you down and fly away
Smirk as you drown
As your clothes begin to fray
Because you submerged me
Held my hand and begged me to stay
Then asked someone else to prom
And I'm not going to watch this love marathon
Of how you lead me on
Then leave me in a forgotten alley
I'm trying to rally all the strength I've stored
To avoid this hoard of regret
How upset I am that I let myself get hurt
By consuming you
And thinking your benefits were worth
The turns of turmoil you delivered
How your symptoms were pains and shivers
Making my work mere quivers of their predecessors
I don't know who dealt you 
But I want a return
Because you are unacceptable
And for girls like me who are respectable
There are 2 things we don't take
You were both
And my greatest mistake.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Lover Letters


Rather than one of my typical creations, I present to you a collection of poetry, entitled "Lover Letters". I discovered an unfinished poem, and then tried to complete it, but had lost it's tone due to a series of events. As I finished, I did not just see one poem, I saw four, each demonstrating an evolution of internal thoughts in a relationship. They were four unsent letters to a single lover, each with different messages and states, and now they are yours to enjoy.

#1
Sometimes I wish you were my first love.
Then I would have never had to love again.

But instead the first one to steal my heart
Was a tall boy I met at Jew camp.
He wrote.
Songs.
But he liked the music more than the words.
And the idea of a girlfriend more than me.

But you—you’re not like that.
You say things that not even the most poetic boys can.
You tell me that languages like Greek and Latin are gorgeous
And that I’m the same.
You don’t give me butterflies.
You thrust a bunch of migrating birds in my chest
And expect me to maintain my fa├žade of confidence around you.
You shift things
Creatures like perspectives and priorities.
You’re hurting my grades
Because the only unit I’m studying is you
Because you are the hardest test
And I can’t rest or subdue my affection.

I wish you were my first love.
But you aren’t.
You are my most stimulating
Ingraining
Elevating
Refraining
Refreshing
Reinvigorating
Frustrating.
But I will be satisfied with this love
as long as you are my last.

#2
Finding your someone is like looking for a roommate
To rent some space in your heart.
If I posted up a flier in a coffee shop
You would have fit the description.

I didn’t know someone could conform to my mold
But you do.
So now I’m terrified of losing you
Well, at this point I should be fearful of not attaining you
But I’m the type of girl who just assumes you are mine
Who thinks that when you say you love me you aren’t kidding
Who is looking for a non-jocular kind of bond
I’m that luna-chick
And you’ve managed to stick and then cement in my mind
I can’t peel you off
Even though you seem to be prying
And trying to escape my world.

That’s why this hurts so much.
You are stepping back
When you’ve already been submerged in the ocean
You can’t find the coast anymore
There is no return.

#3
They say when you love something, you set it free.
That is a load of crap.
When you love something you fight for it with every particle of your being
And beg it and steal it and hide it
You don’t let anyone take him from you
Not even himself.

So I’m having a lot of trouble.
You are wandering through my days and thoughts
And I’m left distraught
As you implement a scheme of mixed signals and symbols
Destroying my symphony by adding unnecessary drums and timbales
And I can’t stand how you won’t say hello
After you’ve held my hand
How I’ve cradled your face is my palms
This world is fleeting
But that doesn’t mean that you should be.
You’ve left this itch like a restless flee
And I don’t understand the methods of extermination
Or termination
Or terms
I just comprehend how your presence devours me
Like a bunch of worms
Weaving through my skin
How you make me wish I was thin
So then I’d be beautiful enough for you
Because our bio teacher did proclaim that we tend to mate within our own beauty class
Little did she know she was encouraging me to tighten my as...paragus

But I don’t think that is the point of this poem
If it has a purpose at all
Likely it’s a story of a girl who started to fall
But hit the ground too early
Right now you are miles away
I don’t know what to say to you
But by the moment you return I pray I do
Because I cannot bear an emotional departure.

#4
I’m just writing these letters
Not love letters
These are lover letters
Because they do not describe love
They are the sensation itself
Because that’s the way I am
You can measure my emotions wealth
In the amount of words I give them
Here I’ve discussed my first love
And how I want you to be my last
But in reality I just want something to last
And although these sentiments are entrenched in the past
I wish they could just linger
That they were tangible
Things within I drench my fingers
But we are postage yet to be delivered
There is no guarantee we will arrive
So all I have is strife
And this drive
To uncover and finish half-remembered poems like these
I caught you
You weren’t game
You were a disease
And I realized that you had been sneezed
On me by other girls
From other worlds
Yet we were all equally stupid
Strangled by cupid
And I’m not willing to be another faceless name
Or nameless face
Stuck in your pocket
Without any care or grace
And I keep on writing these poems
Treating them as letters that you do not need
To receive
They are my reaction to your deeds
But I’m not curing the cold
I’m just wiping mucus on my sleeves
And it wreathes of desperation
Using you as my only inspiration
For my creations
So I’m going to do some exploration
Write some declarations to myself
Sign these letters here
Stamp them
Then confine them to a forgotten shelf.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

My First Time

I unlock the hotel room door 
And immediately thrust my jacket on the floor
As I wander into the bedroom
My dress wanders over my head
Leaving me and my unmentionables
Staring at him
My breath is out of control
There seems not to be enough oxygen to sate my lungs
As several questions linger in my head

How hard is he?
Is he really as big as he looks?
Have there been many before me?

He looks stunning
Wrapped in my sheets
Fluid like a sea of crimson
His frame is perfection
There is no section I don't want to meet
With every part of me
From my head to feet
I bite my lips
Glance down
And then once again at him
Knowing it will be hours until I can look away
Am I ready for this?
There must be more to do
I search for a guarantee that I'm prepared
But none comes
I have other obligations
But I want this
I'm not going to twiddle my thumbs for another moment

So I dive into him, my bed
Who else?
To sleep
For the first time in weeks.


Note: this poem is complete fiction.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

If We Ever Talk Again



If we ever talk again
I’m going to say that I’m just fine.

I’m going to lie
To avoid any more excess humiliation
But in reality I am broken
Because I was always fragile
I’m angry because I’m volatile
I’d give you some crocodile tears
But but we already have the Nile
So I’m probably going to avoid you
Only speak when spoken to
I’m not going to disperse my thoughts in the air
I have pages instead
And I don’t tread lightly
But I’m lucky that you’re not going to find this thread
You might be a literary mind
But my poetry is something you’ve never read
Even though I put it online
And let it fasten a position in time
Unaware of where it may be or lead
I’m going to fluctuate between looking extra good
And extra mundane
Because I want to prove I would’ve been a worthy gain
But avoid driving myself insane
Because it’s not like impressing you can accomplish anything anymore
For you have left me naked on the kitchen floor
Out of place
Out of face
Out of the race
For your heart
I’m icy, tacit, and embarrassed
Distant from where I should be
Departed from being me
Now I’m the moron who couldn’t see
Who was blinded by the promises you didn’t make by your lips
Severed by unspoken words
Who had faith in the unheard
And followed the herd of other girls battling for your affection
Hoping for an erection
On multiple levels
Praying that you would stand up and express something
But we are an unfinished sentence
We could’ve been brilliant
Or potent
But now no one can comprehend what’s happening to the subject
Who it is
Whether it’s man or rodent
I might be sparse with punctuation
But each of my poems are silenced with a period
And I can only see commas
Some grandiloquent speech
But no miniature dot
Signifying some completion
And at this point I’d rather have a deletion than a few words
Lingering on a page
Because fragments are a cage
That I do not wish to be confined within
And I can’t blame you
You’ve committed no sin
Except for giving me unnecessary hope
But boy, you are like dope
You bring me so high
That when you exit my life
Everything seems unworthy in comparison
My mind and body cannot repair their definitions of normal
Of happiness
Of love

Some of my friends declare confrontation is the best field of action
While the wiser advise that
I shouldn’t ever speak to you again
But even though you are her lover
You were still my friend
And so if the opportunity arises
(Which it never will)
I will hand you this chronicle
Of poetry
Of words I was forbidden to say
Hoping you would understand them
In your own sacred way
And each period of each poem
Will compose a fraction of the period of our sentence
Until some finality is generated
I don’t care if the product is voluminous
Or luminous
Whether it takes up a few lines or paragraphs
On your heart
Just that it ends
So someone new can start.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Will You Be My Valentine?



So I’m sitting here
Fitting here
About how I’m not fitting in
And what a sin it is
That I don’t have a Valentine
Then some insight comes
And sneaks up behind me
Then I begin to see something
A reality
This day is our way of celebrating
The things we love in our world
Now I’m an often rejected single girl
With no designated boy to thrust my festive affections towards
But I have hoards of things I love
So in the spirit of single awareness day
I’m going to say a proposal
To all the things I adore in this world
The things I want to explore
Like the photograph of my best friend with a mustache
My sister’s secret chocolate stash
The moment when I get the final lash perfect with my mascara
The fact that someone once told me I look like Scarlett Johansson
Not O’Hara
 Or how heartbreak seems to create the best poetry
And to me it’s no longer a tragedy
I love when my profile picture gets over fifty likes
And how it causes my confidence to shift in spikes
Or when I find a perfect word or quote
Or see a perfect sunset or boat
And think to myself
Damn
Someone should put a movie here
Or create a scene
And then the rays of sunlight begin to beam down on me
And now I can see that my hair will look nicer tomorrow
Because it’s blonder
And gentlemen prefer blondes
And I’m fond of that and all the things Marilyn Monroe has said
I love getting an extra fifteen moments in my bed
Or an exceptional thought in my head
Or when more than one person says I look good
On the same day
Now don’t think I’m superficial
I’m really not that way
But I just want to be beautiful
Inside and out
And I love to shout something amazing
Like achievement or conquest
Or the name of the boy with which I’m currently obsessed
Or that I’m okay
When he requests that another girl escorts him to prom
I love my mom
And when my stepdad acts like my real dad
And then I have no reason to be sad
For the disparities in my life
Because there is so much clarity
Speaking of clear
I adore when my road steers in an exotic direction
Or when a teacher tells me my answer is perfection
I love feeling inspired
And kindling a new fire
Or the hugs we give at the end of a party
When teachers couldn’t care less if I’m tardy
And let me go to the bathroom just so I can rehearse
A series of expressions
I treasure one of my best friends
And his impressions
Of the crazy female teachers we have
Or simply to laugh
Especially at my own jokes with other people
 Because that means I’ve sprinkled some joy
I love when I’m at a speech tournament
And some boy hits on me
Or makes too much eye contact
Or when my lab results turn out to be exact
And I don’t have to do half of the work
I’m enchanted by the moment I show up a jerk
Or when a good memory decides to lurk around a depressing one
I love when I’m able to quickly move on
From that jerk who led me on in a marathon
Of text messages and such
And I’m obsessed with fudge
Or when I feel like I have the perfect amount of pudge
Or wearing high heels to school
And no one gives a damn about it
Or saying something that impresses everyone by my wit
When someone pulls the lever
Starting the clever version of my self
I love how in movies they sneak up on each other with such stealth
And just kiss
When in real life that would result in a fist 
I cherish a belt that perfectly fits my hips
Or when I despumate the chap off my lips
Or the sound my jacket makes when it zips
When I’m the enigma
When there's no stigma about single mothers
When I have reason to be glad I have no brothers
When I reject the opinions of others
I love these elements
Creations like experience and time
So if you are any of the things listed above
Will you be my Valentine?

Contact

Ariel is available and interested in anything creative!
For spoken word performances & workshops, web & graphic design, or other writing/film projects please contact via email at arielsob@usc.edu.
New York & Los Angeles work preferred!