Lover Letters

Rather than one of my typical creations, I present to you a collection of poetry, entitled "Lover Letters". I discovered an unfinished poem, and then tried to complete it, but had lost it's tone due to a series of events. As I finished, I did not just see one poem, I saw four, each demonstrating an evolution of internal thoughts in a relationship. They were four unsent letters to a single lover, each with different messages and states, and now they are yours to enjoy.

#1

Sometimes I wish you were my first love.

Then I would have never had to love again.

But instead the first one to steal my heart

Was a tall boy I met at Jew camp.

He wrote.

Songs.

But he liked the music more than the words.

And the idea of a girlfriend more than me.

But you—you’re not like that.

You say things that not even the most poetic boys can.

You tell me that languages like Greek and Latin are gorgeous

And that I’m the same.

You don’t give me butterflies.

You thrust a bunch of migrating birds in my chest

And expect me to maintain my façade of confidence around you.

You shift things

Creatures like perspectives and priorities.

You’re hurting my grades

Because the only unit I’m studying is you

Because you are the hardest test

And I can’t rest or subdue my affection.

I wish you were my first love.

But you aren’t.

You are my most stimulating

Ingraining

Elevating

Refraining

Refreshing

Reinvigorating

Frustrating.

But I will be satisfied with this love
as long as you are my last.

#2

Finding your someone is like looking for a roommate

To rent some space in your heart.

If I posted up a flier in a coffee shop

You would have fit the description.

I didn’t know someone could conform to my mold

But you do.

So now I’m terrified of losing you
Well, at this point I should be fearful of not attaining you

But I’m the type of girl who just assumes you are mine

Who thinks that when you say you love me you aren’t kidding

Who is looking for a non-jocular kind of bond

I’m that luna-chick

And you’ve managed to stick and then cement in my mind

I can’t peel you off

Even though you seem to be prying

And trying to escape my world.

That’s why this hurts so much.

You are stepping back

When you’ve already been submerged in the ocean

You can’t find the coast anymore

There is no return.

#3

They say when you love something, you set it free.

That is a load of crap.

When you love something you fight for it with every particle of your being

And beg it and steal it and hide it

You don’t let anyone take him from you

Not even himself.

So I’m having a lot of trouble.

You are wandering through my days and thoughts

And I’m left distraught

As you implement a scheme of mixed signals and symbols

Destroying my symphony by adding unnecessary drums and timbales

And I can’t stand how you won’t say hello

After you’ve held my hand

How I’ve cradled your face is my palms

This world is fleeting

But that doesn’t mean that you should be.

You’ve left this itch like a restless flee

And I don’t understand the methods of extermination

Or termination

Or terms

I just comprehend how your presence devours me

Like a bunch of worms

Weaving through my skin

How you make me wish I was thin

So then I’d be beautiful enough for you

Because our bio teacher did proclaim that we tend to mate within our own beauty class

Little did she know she was encouraging me to tighten my as...paragus

But I don’t think that is the point of this poem

If it has a purpose at all

Likely it’s a story of a girl who started to fall

But hit the ground too early

Right now you are miles away

I don’t know what to say to you

But by the moment you return I pray I do

Because I cannot bear an emotional departure.

#4

I’m just writing these letters

Not love letters

These are lover letters

Because they do not describe love

They are the sensation itself

Because that’s the way I am

You can measure my emotions wealth

In the amount of words I give them

Here I’ve discussed my first love

And how I want you to be my last

But in reality I just want something to last

And although these sentiments are entrenched in the past

I wish they could just linger

That they were tangible

Things within I drench my fingers

But we are postage yet to be delivered

There is no guarantee we will arrive

So all I have is strife

And this drive

To uncover and finish half-remembered poems like these

I caught you

You weren’t game

You were a disease

And I realized that you had been sneezed

On me by other girls

From other worlds

Yet we were all equally stupid

Strangled by cupid

And I’m not willing to be another faceless name

Or nameless face

Stuck in your pocket

Without any care or grace

And I keep on writing these poems

Treating them as letters that you do not need

To receive

They are my reaction to your deeds

But I’m not curing the cold

I’m just wiping mucus on my sleeves

And it wreathes of desperation

Using you as my only inspiration

For my creations

So I’m going to do some exploration

Write some declarations to myself

Sign these letters here

Stamp them

Then confine them to a forgotten shelf.