If We Ever Talk Again

If we ever talk again
I’m going to say that I’m just fine.

I’m going to lie
To avoid any more excess humiliation
But in reality I am broken
Because I was always fragile
I’m angry because I’m volatile
I’d give you some crocodile tears
But but we already have the Nile
So I’m probably going to avoid you
Only speak when spoken to
I’m not going to disperse my thoughts in the air
I have pages instead
And I don’t tread lightly
But I’m lucky that you’re not going to find this thread
You might be a literary mind
But my poetry is something you’ve never read
Even though I put it online
And let it fasten a position in time
Unaware of where it may be or lead
I’m going to fluctuate between looking extra good
And extra mundane
Because I want to prove I would’ve been a worthy gain
But avoid driving myself insane
Because it’s not like impressing you can accomplish anything anymore
For you have left me naked on the kitchen floor
Out of place
Out of face
Out of the race
For your heart
I’m icy, tacit, and embarrassed
Distant from where I should be
Departed from being me
Now I’m the moron who couldn’t see
Who was blinded by the promises you didn’t make by your lips
Severed by unspoken words
Who had faith in the unheard
And followed the herd of other girls battling for your affection
Hoping for an erection
On multiple levels
Praying that you would stand up and express something
But we are an unfinished sentence
We could’ve been brilliant
Or potent
But now no one can comprehend what’s happening to the subject
Who it is
Whether it’s man or rodent
I might be sparse with punctuation
But each of my poems are silenced with a period
And I can only see commas
Some grandiloquent speech
But no miniature dot
Signifying some completion
And at this point I’d rather have a deletion than a few words
Lingering on a page
Because fragments are a cage
That I do not wish to be confined within
And I can’t blame you
You’ve committed no sin
Except for giving me unnecessary hope
But boy, you are like dope
You bring me so high
That when you exit my life
Everything seems unworthy in comparison
My mind and body cannot repair their definitions of normal
Of happiness
Of love

Some of my friends declare confrontation is the best field of action
While the wiser advise that
I shouldn’t ever speak to you again
But even though you are her lover
You were still my friend
And so if the opportunity arises
(Which it never will)
I will hand you this chronicle
Of poetry
Of words I was forbidden to say
Hoping you would understand them
In your own sacred way
And each period of each poem
Will compose a fraction of the period of our sentence
Until some finality is generated
I don’t care if the product is voluminous
Or luminous
Whether it takes up a few lines or paragraphs
On your heart
Just that it ends
So someone new can start.


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