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Friday, February 8, 2013

Call the Doctor, You've Left Me Breathless


If I’ve committed any crime to my body
I swear it’s loving you

My chest vacillates from emptiness
To overflowing agony
Depending on the glance you shoot me
My weak knees are falling into my shins
And I cannot stand
I need support
To be guided by your hand
But it rarely comes
 I am left incapacitated and confined
In a box in my mind
Praying to find
You
My addictive painkiller
To devour you
And be pacified by merely awaiting your effect
Apathetic to if you’ll respect
My caverns and crevices
Because when you ignore me
It's blastemphy
God and gravity dragging me to the ground
I feel my butterflies being disemboweled
Disappointment that cannot be transformed
Into a stew of consonants and vowels
Drenched in confusion
Hand me a towel
And absorb some of this doting
Use diffusion
To expunge affection floating in deception
Because you
Drug
Have deformed my reflection
I look into the glass and see a girl
Not a direction
I need a director
To adjust me to a proper angle
Before you tangle all of my hairs
Leaving my scalp bare
I’m not scared of being nude
I’m terrified of it chasing off you
My father is Picasso
And you know was sketched with azure
I’m not sure
Of anything anymore
Except these sores on my soul
And that you are the source of their toll
Should I stop, drop, and roll?
For my world is ablaze
And I am lost in its haze
Swimming in smoke
Preparing to choke
On the polluted air I’ve come to adore
Because the unknown has so much allure
I crave to explore the darkness
Your darkness
And I confess
It often compels me to obsess
Over your not so deliberate liberated actions
And my over-thought poorly executed reactions
Leaving merely fractions of what I desire
Because choosing you has set my form on fire
And damn it burns
These soaring yearns for you
My scalded hands unable to do
Anything
But sing the same old song
Always getting the same words wrong
Everything is falling flat
Except me
A cat
Scratching up an impenetrable post
And I hate felines
But you’ve converted me into one of their kind
And I can’t find any clarity
Only a disparity
Between my feelings for you and those you return
Or at least the ones you display
In this reckless relay
And I wish I could play
The right hand
But I could never understand the king of hearts
I only have practice in throwing darts
At past rejections
And unspoken affections
But we’ve talked
I’ve done more than stalked
I took the plunge
Into something I fear is an empty pool
I’ve shattered all the rules
Of what I thought I wanted to like or be
 Of the boy I craved to touch and see
Now I can’t breathe
My lungs are compressed within my chest
Because I took in air
Filled it with words to express
And left them loitering
This is the tale
Of how I can’t inhale
Anything new
You’ve left me breathless
Suffocating
And there is nothing oxygen can do
Until I’ve obtained you
I wish that you were capturing me
But I’ve been captivated from our first conversation
The first minor romantic invitation
I charged into your cages expecting a celebration
But all I encountered was devastation
And humiliation at my own desperation
How I’d do anything for our relation to acquire a ship
To be the girl in your friend
But instead I’m going to be hospitalized
For the crimes I’ve done to my body
For allowing it to trip
Breaking my heart, heels, and hip
Someone needs to biopsy the chip
On my shoulder
Because that boulder
Eroded to a pebble
And I needed it to level the natural highs this world gives me
You’ve generated a force that keeps me elevated
And frustrated
Makes my sentiments overrated then overstated
My motives tainted
My god, I nearly fainted
The last time you held my hand
I just can’t understand
How you could be so perfect and horrible and the same time
How you blow my mind
Then force me to engrave conflicted rhymes
You know desperate times call for…measures
I’m just attempting to make sure mine aren’t too desperate
Because I want your respect
That’s a lie
I want your hand interlocked with mine
Your eyes locked in mine
Your reason gone blind
I want you
Your mind and body
Even if the price is mine.

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Ariel is available and interested in anything creative!
For spoken word performances & workshops, web & graphic design, or other writing/film projects please contact via email at arielsob@usc.edu.
New York & Los Angeles work preferred!